Dennis Martell
Dr. D.,
My roommate was sexually assaulted last week, and I am upset. I tell you this because it makes me angry, and I do not understand why men do this and why the university does not do something about it. It has to stop! Your column is called “Health Check,” and I believe this is a health issue, so could you please say something?
— Angry Student!!!!!
Dear AS,
Thank you for choosing to speak out.
First thing’s first, I am hoping your roommate was able to get the help she may need for what happened.
If not, please write back or call the Sexual Assault Hotline at (517) 372-6666. Your question strikes a cord with many of us.
You see, on many college campuses this issue has turned into endless, and many times nonproductive and emotionally laden, dialogue about blame and which intervention or prevention strategies are the best, which then tends to end in a gridlock of educated opinions with no change.
I long ago learned that finding a solution to a problem is dependent on a close examination of the assumptions we make about that problem.
There are many assumptions that are made about people who sexually assault another person — some I have long questioned.
Having said that, let me tell you what I assume from a health educator’s perspective.
I assume men (and in some cases women) who commit sexual assault are “unhealthy” based on my core values about what is health.
I believe people who assault are unhealthy because at a basic level they do not posses the cognitive clarity needed to communicate, understand and negotiate relationships with another human being; the emotional clarity it takes to understand the damage their actions may have on the person; and the ego clarity it takes to understand what their internal inhibitions are saying to them about their choices.
The fact is most people who assault know at some level that what they are doing is “unhealthy.”
So if they know it is unhealthy, why do they still do it?
First, they do what they believe they see others doing. It is part of what we call faulty acculturation.
They don’t think for themselves and many times don’t really know who they are, what they feel or what they value.
The change we need here is to teach men to think for themselves and decide who they are before they decide anything else.
The second reason is because they do what they “feel.”
They get overwhelmed and cannot manage emotions or their needs for intimacy — and by this I don’t mean sex but relational closeness to another human being.
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The change needed here is to help them practice management skills and realize that emotions are powerful.
The third reason is they cannot find a community that will support them to make healthy decisions, let alone build self-esteem and practice managing emotions.
The change needed here is to build a community that will challenge the myths, traditions, isolation and culture of sexual assault.
Granted, all of these changes are long term and some need to start way before college, but that can happen.
I am sorry for what has happened to your roommate.
On behalf of the men in this society who do care (and we are the majority), I apologize for the fear we, as an unhealthy gender, sometimes create.
I will never know what it is like to live with the fear that the culture of sexual assault creates among women and some men, but I do know the solution to this fear will only be found in bringing men to health.
The only way to do that is for men to take ownership of their health and then to seek out what it is they need.
Are you up for that — men?
Peace and health.
Dr. D.
Dennis Martell, Ph.D., is a coordinator of Olin Health Education. E-mail him your questions at dennis.martell@ht.msu.edu.
