I am an Arab-American, Muslim junior at Michigan State. Throughout my time at Michigan State I have become increasingly distraught by both my religion and my ethnicity. A feeling similar to an existential crisis. As the discussion about Islamic terrorism intensified, as it has these last few years, I wanted it as far away from me as possible. I wanted to fit in – to live my life as an individual not defined as being an Arab or Muslim – and not worry about the actions of people who have nothing to do with me.
But I quickly learned my name and my appearance made that impossible; “I’m sorry, what’s your name again?” is the expected response when meeting people – a question usually followed by “so where are you from?” or the much-less subtle “what are you?”
But it is not that I hate where I am from, nor the Arabic I speak, nor the culture I was raised with, but rather, I just wanted people to know me for who I am.
I wanted people to know my thoughts, my soul. I just wanted to be an individual. I wanted to be the person I thought I was. In the words of my professor, my “internal identity.”
But with so much emphasis on race and religion, such a desire will go unmet. And it is clear now I will either need to carry my heritage with pride, or hide it away. And despite the atrocities committed around the world in “my” name, I am still damn proud of who I am. I refuse to hide a part of who I am to please others.
To you I am a Muslim and an Arab. And to myself, I am an individual.
Mahmoud Haidar-Ahmad is an International Relations and Political Theory Junior.
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