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Dueling Column: Secret's out, East Lansing loves Jim Harbaugh

October 14, 2015
<p>Max Cohen courtesy.&nbsp;</p>

Max Cohen courtesy. 

Michigan State has outscored Michigan by a combined score of 64-17 the last two times the schools’ football teams have met. Surely, Spartan fans realize their football team has been better than Michigan’s for the past few years and are ready to welcome Jim Harbaugh into the big family rivalry with open arms.

But I’m from New Jersey, so what the heck do I know? I decided to see for myself. Before Tuesday afternoon, I’d only spent a few hours on Michigan State’s campus during my first three years of college, but I really wanted to get a feel for the other side of the rivalry heading into Saturday’s game.

I drove to East Lansing on Tuesday, parked outside of Gate B of Spartan Stadium and threw on my roommate’s No. 4 Jim Harbaugh jersey. I was sure everyone there would be pumped to see me.

To the shock of most Michigan fans, the people of East Lansing, particularly the students of Michigan State, could not have been more courteous.

Within 20 minutes of my arrival, I was in the middle of a stroll down Bogue Street in the middle of campus when a blue minivan swerved into the right lane to be closer to where I was walking. The driver rolled down his window and pointed at me with his middle fingers. I thought it was a little weird at first, but then I remembered that the gesture that is considered obscene in other places is just a normal greeting in East Lansing.

“MAGGOT,” he yelled.

At first, I thought he had actually replaced the “m” in maggot with an “f,” but then I realized that was ridiculous. There’s no way a Michigan State fan, with his complete lack of an inferiority complex, would ever utter such a heinous slur to someone wearing a Jim Harbaugh Michigan jersey, especially in the 21st century.

So I panicked. I figured there must have been a maggot on me, and I’m really not a huge fan of bugs. I also told my roommate I’d return his Jim Harbaugh jersey in mint condition, and a maggot could ruin any chance of that.

I found no maggot, but it was nice of the Michigan State fan to warn me anyway, just in case there was one.

As I continued to walk down the street, something else really unusual happened: A bunch of people kept whispering the same word under their breaths right after I passed them. It definitely rhymed with fire truck.

I checked Twitter to figure out where the fire was so that I could avoid it on my walk, but I couldn’t seem to find anything. It was a huge relief. I was nervous I’d walk into a burning couch.

I walked through academic buildings, on the street and next to the Red Cedar River, which runs through campus. But one thing never changed: Everyone kept staring at me. It was flattering, really.

I’ve seen Michigan State students claim all of the students there are better looking than the students in Ann Arbor, but I’m pretty sure that isn’t true. I mean, my mom always says I’m handsome, but this was truly astounding. Every single person was looking me up and down, clearly intrigued by what they saw. They thought I was the best-looking person on the entire campus.

A few students even took pictures! One kid snapped one after I walked by him. I caught him in the act and waved back at him. He laughed and turned around.

I went to the Michigan State bookstore, too. I walked in and bought some pens for my Strategy exam the next day. When I got to the cash register, I asked the cashier if they sold any Jim Harbaugh jerseys. I figured that since everyone seemed to be so nice to me when I was there, maybe they wanted to buy Harbaugh jerseys, too.

“We don’t,” she said. “I’m sorry about that.”

How ridiculous, I thought. Clearly, everyone in East Lansing loves Harbaugh and just wants to look out for Michigan fans. I decided to prove her wrong.

I walked back to my car at Spartan Stadium and pulled a pad of paper out of the trunk. I scrawled the words “Honk for Harbaugh” on one sheet and walked to the busy intersection right next to the stadium.

I stood at Red Cedar Road for a half-hour, and six people honked. You not think much of that, but the rest of the drivers were even more emphatic. Many of them gave me the traditional East Lansing middle-finger greeting. Others laughed hysterically, too excited at the prospect of their team getting to play against Jim Harbaugh to be capable of honking.

Two adults who walked by told me I was the bravest man on campus. Personally, I’ve always thought Tom Izzo was the bravest for having the courage to constantly complain about injuries, but I really appreciated their consideration.

Of course, there are a few bad apples in every bunch. One elderly woman rolled down her window to shake her head at me from the passenger seat. She gave my efforts a big thumbs-down.

A few of the drivers indicated they feared for my safety. A few others seemed to wish harm upon me.

Among the latter category was a group of four bros in a van.

“We can’t read your sign,” one yelled out the window.

Shoot. And here I was, trying to go the entire column without making fun of the reading ability of Michigan State students.

To read The State News' dueling column, click here.

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