It’s rewarding to see a stranger smile or genuinely thank you for doing something nice for them. You feel good, that person feels good and you have something to be happy about for the rest of the day.
But being nice doesn’t always work out the way you think it will. It can be awkward, embarrassing or even difficult.
The simple things are easy. Saying “please” when asking for something, being OK with being put on hold, tipping over the usual 15 percent, etc. are all typical polite things to do that require very little effort.
Going out of your way to be kind makes things a bit harder.
Holding open the door for the person behind you is usually no problem, but things can get weird pretty fast. I know I’ve found myself holding the door open for someone long before they were actually within range of my kindness. How far away is too far? Thirty feet? Forty feet? At some point, my arm gets tired and I get strange looks.
There are people that do the polite half-run when they see you struggling — the same technique they use when you stop your car to let them cross the street in front of you. I appreciate those people. Then you get the jokers who choose the door next to you instead. Very funny.
Whenever I get the wrong order at a restaurant or the wrong coffee at Starbucks, it takes me five or 10 minutes of consideration before I can bring myself to point out the mistake. Usually, though, I just take what I get and thank the person anyway. I’ve worked in the service industry, and I can cut my overworked brethren a break once in a while.
If I don’t catch something that a person says and ask them to repeat themselves, only to miss the entire thing a second time, I’m usually inclined to just smile and agree.
What did I just agree to? Do I now think Nicolas Cage is the greatest actor of our generation? Am I now accessory to some sort of crime? I don’t know, and, quite frankly, I’m too scared to ask.
The issues aren’t always universal. Living in the dorms, for example, presents a particularly unique problem for those of us who are inclined to be helpful.
University policy clearly prohibits residents from letting potentially unknown people into residence halls.
But when you see a person standing outside in the rain, knocking on the door with those puppy-dog eyes, how can you just pass them by? When there’s a person waiting at the entrance when you’re about to go in, do you ignore them?
But, by far, the hardest part about being nice is realizing that not everyone is like you.
Sometimes a door will close in your face or you’ll meet someone who will be rude to you for no reason at all. And you’re OK with that, because you’re nice and it goes against your nature to retaliate.
So say please and thank you. Hold open the door for that crowd of thirty people behind you. Smile nervously at the person whose name you can’t remember. Walk patiently behind the person who moves at a snail’s pace and somehow takes up the entire hallway.
Kill them with kindness. You might make a difference.
