Being respected. Being treated like a human being. Maintaining one’s dignity and pride. Having the trust of others. These are all things we strive for and deserve in our lives regardless of gender, sex, race or personal beliefs.
But when I — someone of the female sex — decide to wear baggy pants and a sweater, clearly pulled from the men’s department at Old Navy, I have to put up with harsh sideways glances and mutterings from strangers. And when a man decides to wear a long floral-patterned skirt in public, he is virtually unable to walk in and out of a bank without having to hear comments like “fag,” “homo” and “queer.”
We often take things for granted. Not too many people would consider using a public restroom, living in a dorm room, or going to the grocery store to be among what we take for granted, but for those of us who don’t fit within the accepted gender binary, such commonplace occurrences can lead to severe discomfort and anxiety.
According to a map published by PBS, hundreds of societies deviate from the binary. While many cultures, both ancient and modern, have incorporated three or more genders into their societal norms, the idea of non-binary genders is, unfortunately, still a new concept in America. Many people remain ignorant of genders existing outside the M or F boxes we check — androgyne, agender, gender neutral, bigender and genderfluid, to name just a few. Those outside of the queer community regard it as a community of assorted sexualities and often fail to realize that gender is separate from sex.
Sex is assigned at birth, but gender is socially constructed. The society in which we live is made up of stereotypes meant to categorize each person into one of the binary genders, male or female.
The binary system isn’t accurate for a lot of people. There are, of course, those who fit those stereotypes to a T, and that’s perfectly fine, so long as they understand that the rest of the world doesn’t necessarily work like that. People who fit into society under these terms rarely question the meaning of gender because the system works for them. But it’s important to keep in mind that gender is a wide spectrum of grays, not at all black and white.
The binary is based on gender stereotypes — for example, girls wear dresses and heels and have long hair, and guys wear long shorts and don’t shave their legs. But all individuals are far more complex than anything that can be summarized in a few sentences. For the majority of genderqueer individuals, there is no desire to fully transition, despite the common assumption. To be genderqueer or transgender simple means that we aren’t comfortable living within the binary, so we deviate. We defy traditional gender norms. Within our community, it’s not unusual to see persons of the male sex wearing skirts, and persons of the female sex wearing binders and suits.
People are very complex and we can’t be forced into perfectly defined categories, so don’t assume that everyone around you fits into the binary — or any label, for that matter. Be respectful of the people around you, listen and educate yourself. Don’t assume all genderqueer people are transitioning. Don’t tell trans persons what is appropriate to their gender. Don’t ask a person what their “real” name is. Use the name and pronouns they’ve given you and be supportive. What you say and do matters, and how you treat people reflects back on you, so treat others like you would like to be treated, because no matter where we all fall on the gender spectrum, we’re all human.
Morgan Redding is the Copy Chief at the State News. Reach her at morgan.redding@statenews.com.
