I know people who don’t take any type of medicine, not even DayQuil, because they feel it isn’t “right” or “natural.” I think if medicine helps, why not take it? Medications exist to help people, such as myself, regulate chemical imbalances in our body so that they can get through the day without breaking down from a panic attack. I’m not going to stop my medicine because someone else thinks taking medication makes me a “crazy person."

When I was in fifth grade, I was the new kid at my elementary school. My family moved to Michigan from Oklahoma after my dad was hired to teach at MSU. I remember being apprehensive to start a new school so late in the game, but I also thought being the new kid might work to my advantage and I might make a lot of friends in my first few days. Oh, how I was wrong.

When you enter an elementary school towards the end like I did, most kids have already formed their cliques. I remember feeling left out when one girl had a pool party and I was one of the only kids in the class not invited.

That year I developed a strong fear of going to school. There were many days where I would go in the morning and then ask my teacher halfway through the day if I could go to the office and call my mom because I did not feel well. My mom would come and get me and when I got home, I went back to feeling perfectly fine.

After this repeatedly happened, my teacher approached my parents and I ended up seeing a psychiatrist. In fifth grade, I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and was prescribed medicine for it.

Back then, I never thought much about taking a pill every night. I’ve been taking it for close to 10 years and I still don’t think it’s “bad” to take medicine, although I’ve always kept it to myself and my close friends to avoid awkward questions. “Hi, my name’s Meagan and I take anxiety pills” isn’t exactly the best way to meet new people.

I think if I had told people about my situation when I was 10 years old, young and trying to fit in, I would have been shunned even more than I was for being the new kid. Sometimes I worry even now about telling people I become closer to. I’m thankful that I now can comfortably talk about my anxiety to my close friends without feeling judged. They understand anxiety is something I deal with; we all have our own personal struggles.

After years of learning to handle anxiety, I have discovered a lot about myself and what triggers it for me. Facing my bigger fears, like flying, can set it off. Smaller situations, too, like having too much caffeine in one day can send me into a full-blown anxiety attack. Sensing when I need to remove myself from a triggering situation has become much easier.

Even with the control I’ve gained over my condition, college has definitely been a trigger for my anxiety. Being a new student at a large university brought on a lot of worry. In my first few weeks here, I would sit in a large lecture hall and suddenly feel as though I couldn’t breathe, my heart would race, and my hands would become sweaty. But it has become easier, and I’m confident that I will continue to succeed despite my disorder — especially with the help of medicine.

Instead of keeping the stigma alive, I want people to understand how different people handle different struggles. The belief that medicating is unnatural and that those who need them are irrevocably psychotic will probably continue to exist as long as people continue to look down upon others who deal with disorders, such as anxiety, and choose to take medicine for it. 

I’ve come to terms with my anxiety because it is not something to be ashamed of. I hope one day everyone can see disorders the way I do — as just another part of my life I deal with every day.