Alex Dardas
About one year ago, my best friend Alex told me he is gay. The news wasn’t a huge surprise. I had suspected it for a while, and I didn’t feel like this revelation would change our friendship at all. It wasn’t like he had cancer. He wasn’t disappearing. He still was just my best friend.
What I was surprised by was what he told me next. Alex attempted suicide. Twice.
For years before coming out, he hated himself. He lived a lie, disguising his true identity for the approval of a world he feared would not accept him. He repressed his feelings. He blamed himself. He grew angry. He felt guilty. Most of all he felt hopeless.
Now that is something I never suspected.
It is important to mention Alex is no ordinary kid. He is without question the most accomplished, intelligent and gifted person I have ever met. As our class valedictorian, his high school GPA broke not just our school’s record, but the entire district’s. He was an all-state swimmer, the president of National Honor Society and an officer on student council. He was friends with everyone, involved in everything, a leader in every way.
What kind of screwed up world makes a kid like this suicidal?
Unfortunately, my friend Alex’s experience is not that unusual. According to recent statistics, gay and lesbian teenagers are more than twice as likely to commit suicide than their straight classmates. Five times as many LGBT teens feel threatened and unwelcome at school and close to 30 percent of all completed suicides among teens are a result of struggles with “sexual identity.”
My best friend easily could have been one of these statistics.
Sadly, I believe religion plays the most destructive role in the lives of many in the LGBT community. Ignoring the fact that biblical teachings have been used in this country to justify slavery, segregation and the inferiority of women, many Christians still treat homosexuality as “an abomination,” telling gay and lesbian teens their feelings are unnatural and sinful.
Fox News and the Christian right tell us that gay marriage will destroy the moral fabric of America and that gay parents are a danger to their children. Bigotry, intolerance and hate easily are masked as “religious expression.”
Last December, for example, Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson was called a hero by millions for staying true to his faith when he compared homosexuality to “bestiality.” It seems as though the ones who consistently “cast the first stone” are the ones who have been taught not to. Christ’s messages of acceptance, love and respect are often perverted into a mixture of intolerance and ignorance.
Like with every issue in America, we are all entitled to our own opinions. But I don’t believe that all opinions are created equal.
Although I do not feel every person who opposes gay marriage automatically is a bigot, I do believe this issue is often used as a pulpit for the bigoted. Rational people can disagree, but at some point we need to realize what actually is important.
Kids in the U.S. are dying because of how unwelcome they feel in our society. Is that the kind of country we want?
This is not a Republican or Democrat issue, but a human one. People like Alex shouldn’t have to go through so much pain. I cannot imagine how I would have felt if he would have succeeded in taking his own life.
But sadly, I understand that not every suicide fails. When these young people are lost, they do not return. Those lights are extinguished and their potential is wasted.
I’d like to believe that MSU is a welcoming place. I’d like to think that we treat people here with respect, regardless of their race, religion or sexual orientation.
For the most part, I think MSU is serious in its efforts to make campus open and accepting. We have intercultural aides in our residence halls and there are designated LBGT SafeZone training workshops available through the Lesbian, Bisexual, Gay, Transgender Resource Center, among other programs.
In addition, MSU hosted the Midwest Bisexual Lesbian Gay Transgender Ally College Conference last year, bringing about 2,000 students from across the country to Lansing Center.
Still, who among us is shocked to hear the word “faggot” shouted at parties? Are we that surprised when we see bullying and derogatory language about fellow students use on social media?
We might have made some progress, but as a student body, much more can and should be done to make MSU more welcoming to everyone.
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Every suicide is an indictment. Every death is a reason to change. The status quo is not morally acceptable. Will we be a society that continues to bully, condemn and persecute, or will we instead choose compassion, respect and love? It’s up to us.
Alex Dardas is a journalism and international relations junior. Reach him at dardasal@msu.edu.
