The glitz of our high school proms might have dimmed, but reasons to put on the ritz for a fancy social situation never fade. Before the special event, consider how your etiquette skills will compare to those of others. “You have approximately 8 seconds to make some type of impression,” said Pamela Barc, executive director of the Lake Orion-based Etiquettes Edge. “You can either communicate confident or coward in your posture, your attire, in your speech.” Lizzie Post, author of “How Do You Work This Life Thing?,” has 25 years of etiquette experience handed down in her family. As great-great-granddaugher of famed etiquette expert Emily Post, Lizzie Post said all of the tips aren’t in place to split hairs.
“All of this has logic to it – everything is done for a reason,” she said.
There are different protocols for different social events, so Barc advises checking expectations before the event. Whether it’s a business dinner, job interview or dressy end-of-the-year formal, proper etiquette is not only expected — it could be your key to success.
“Dining is not about the food as about the relationships you have the opportunities to build,” she said. “More and more events are requiring formal attire in a formal presentation so it’s not about perfection, it’s about polish.”
Here are the formal dining tips your parents might have missed.
Dress to impress
Although the event’s invitation will indicate the level of dress, confirm the expected attire with the host. Always make sure your outfit is pressed or dry-cleaned and well fitted.
“It is important to think of your clothing as currency used to barter goodwill,” Barc said.
From ear to ear
Little Orphan Annie had it right — you’re never fully dressed without a smile.
No matter what social situation you’re entering, flashing your pearly whites is the universal greeting, Barc said.
A smile, coupled with a confident walk and initiating conversation, will set others’ impression of you in the right direction.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
It might take you all day to perfect your polished look, but remember to be considerate to your host and fellow guests throughout the event.
Post, who also is a spokeswoman for The Emily Post Institute Inc., said you should always be mindful of your situation.
“It’s not all about you,” Post said. “This is a special night that people are trying to make fun. The bottom line is you don’t want to gross the living daylights out of the person across from you.”
Ink-stinct
Whether your tattoo is a flash of expression or mark of regret, it’s best to cover it up during fancy social events.
“It’s like many things, there are prejudices out there, and having visible tattoos are among them,” Barc said.
A buffet of knowledge
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OK, the meal has arrived and the pressure is on.
Place your napkin in your lap and fold the top half down toward you.
Always offer food to the left but pass to the right and hold the salt and pepper shakers by the bottoms and move them together.
“Imagine the dirty hands touching the top,” said Barc, who leads two hour-long instructions on mealtime etiquette.
Another rule of thumb, Barc said, is always use your knife for your bread and vegetables — never your fingers. When butter is passed, cut a pad and place it on your bread plate and tear only small, bite-sized pieces of bread to be buttered individually.
When it’s time to reach for the utensils, work your way in and rest the tines down at the 11 and 2 o’clock positions when not in use.
Turn back time to the 4 o’clock position when you are through with the meal, Post said.
“They will be on the 4:20 (mark), college students love when I say that,” she said.
Post said the position of the smaller salad fork with indicate when in the meal the salad will be served. If it is on the end, it will be served before the entrée.
Spoon soup away from you to prevent dripping.
It’s not a race
Barc advised cutting your food and eat it individually to keep pace with the rest of the table and to allow for meaningful conversation.
Excuses, excuses
If you have to excuse yourself, place your napkin neatly on the back of the chair and quietly go on with your business. Post advises to never leave the napkin on the seat for the off chance that it stains the chair or your clothing later.
Tipsy tips
It’s one thing to eat, drink and be merry, but Post warns poor alcohol decorum can douse your positive mealtime reputation.
“Tonight is not the night you want to push yourself to the limit,” she said.
Post suggested alternating one water per alcoholic drink.
Barc said to hold wine glasses by the stem, pour beer into a glass and never count Jell-O shots as professional drinks.
“Always ask yourself how you will be remembered before you take a sip,” she said.
Cut the cell phone umbilical cord
We’re all guilty of it. We’re slaves to our phones.
But in social situations, be sure to turn your phone off completely before entering the room, not just putting it on vibrate, Barc said.
The focus should be on the other people you’re with and anything that disrupts that is inconsiderate.
Not-so-hot flashes
It might be a night to remember, but give the camera a rest.
“Be considerate of those around you,” Barc said. “Try not drawing attention to yourself, be discreet.”
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