I am not even really sure why I am in my program. I also am not sure why I am writing other than to put words to my unhappiness.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

— ST

Dear ST,

“I call myself a Peaceful Warrior … because the battles we fight are on the inside” — Socrates from the movie/book Peaceful Warrior.

I usually start the column by thanking the writer for taking the time to put words to their thoughts and questions, but in this case I think it is more appropriate for you to thank yourself. The “health” you write about and seek won’t be found in my answer, nor will you ever find them in the work you do or from the people you interact with because in all truth the health you seek has to come from within you.

Sometimes we begin that process of finding the answers to our questions by declaring these questions openly to ourselves. I would say writing to me qualifies, and for that you need to thank yourself, for within you is where the battle will be fought and where you eventually will find the “health” you want.

For the last three years, I have responded to the questions and concerns students have voiced using this column, and all along I have used as a foundation for those answers a definition of health that works for me and has kept me grounded in the moment.

Health is indistinguishable from this concept we refer to as freedom. For me, they hold the same meaning. They both refer to the present state of one’s ability to act or speak or think without restraint in any dimension, whether physical, mental or spiritual.

Health and freedom give us the ability to embrace and enjoy the moment without, and in some cases despite, external restraints. It is about choosing to embrace the moment and be in the moment whether you have these restraints or not.

Having done two masters and a doctorate, I do have some understanding of the environment you may have allowed yourself to become stuck in and the battles you have endured.

Graduate programs, for the most part, were designed to be supportive in theory, but there are many now, even here, that impose in practice an unhealthy environment — one in which people lose their sense of freedom and thus their health.

It becomes more about the end product and seeing how a person can produce than about the journey of learning. It becomes more about the “do as I say and act” mantra.

I again quote from the above-mentioned movie/book: “Everyone wants to tell you what to do and what’s good for you. They don’t want you to find your own answers, they want you to believe theirs.”

Your first step in getting back the moments you desire is to find your own answers, and I tend to believe you may already have them.

If you do need help or feel you need to talk to someone to help you sort out your answers, there are very qualified people at the MSU Counseling Center who are willing to listen.

Ultimately, you will need to make the choice about what it is you need in the moment you find yourself. If that means doing something else and taking your life in another direction, so be it.

The journey is where you will find your happiness. There is no loss in making a choice — there are only moments lost when you don’t. I wish you health and freedom. Peace.

— Dr. D.

Dennis Martell, Ph.D., is a coordinator of Olin Health Education. E-mail him your questions at dennis.martell@ht.msu.edu.