Dear Dr. D,

I set a New Year's resolution every year that I really intend to follow through with. My New Year's resolution is always something like "eat healthier," or "save more of my money," which are things in my life from which I could really benefit. However, I always end up ditching my New Year's resolution by February or just forget about it. I really don't want to lose my willpower this year. What tips, suggestions or ideas do you have for me so that I can work toward accomplishing my new goals?

-Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

Thanks for the question, and please do not take my response as a personal critique, but more as an open letter to all of those who feel the need to "make statements of resolution" at the start of every new year. Although I admire the intent to change something for the better, there really is much more to it, so let's break it down.

If you Google the definition of "resolution," you get:

Resolution: The state or quality of being resolute, firm determination, a resolving to do something or a course of action determined or decided on.

Now, in this society, when you add "New Year's" to the word resolution, you get an operational definition that reads something like this:

New Year's resolution: The state or quality of being nostalgic about what one did not accomplish with last year's resolution; a resolving or hoping to do, or at least say you are going to do, "something"; a course of action determined and motivated by "guilt," "fear," etc.

I will admit that I am as guilty as the next person for having made New Year's resolutions in the past. What I now have come to understand is that making any resolution, at its core, means first being "resolute." Therein lies the problem for most people. We tend to make resolutions, which are statements of intent to change, long before we understand what it is that makes us hold onto the things we want to change and what is needed in order to make that change.

This lack of understanding, coupled with the need to do something right now, does not allow most people to truly reach a state of being "resolute" — which means to be "firm in purpose or belief."

So for most people, the loss of "willpower" happens because there is a lack of "resolve." We don't take the time to truly understand why we do the things we do and examine our assumptions about the behavior, and thus, we just believe that if we make a resolution, we can change because, after all, we have "intent" and "willpower." Yes, we all have that internal dynamic we call "will," and it can be very motivating and sustaining when we understand what it is that we need to change and why. The "power" part of it really comes from our "resolve," and this is usually brought about by a clear understanding of where we want to be and for what reason.

So this is what I would humbly suggest you do: First, stop making New Year's resolutions, and put some thought into what it is you "truly" want to "resolve" on any given day. Then, make a "First Tuesday in February" resolution if need be.

Second, when thinking about what you want to resolve, be sure to examine the benefits — real or perceived — that the present behavior or thought pattern holds for you. Then, write down the benefits. This may help you solidify your resolve and help you understand which aspects of the present behavior were detrimental and why it may have been difficult for you to change in the past. Third, ask yourself, "Is this the right time to do this?" It may be hard to find the resolve to do this if you have several competing priorities in your life.

Finally, following through on a resolution is a lot like being in a long-term relationship. Passion will only get you so far. If you don't develop a sense of commitment (resolve) and intimacy (understanding) with the process and change, you are destined to be back in the "dating" scene soon, where you no doubt will make a "resolution" to change next time around on that "date" — if you get my drift!

Dr. D

Dennis Martell, Ph.D., is a coordinator of Olin Health Education and writes a weekly health column for The State News. E-mail him your questions at dennis.martell@ht.msu.edu.