When a person takes their own life, survivors are faced with a wide array of emotions with which to deal.

First there is sadness. Friends and family feel disheartened that their loved ones felt suicide was the only way to end whatever was hurting them so deeply. They are saddened with the loss and even more deeply dejected in knowing their loved ones are gone forever.

Then anger arrives. Those who were in their life feel upset and hurt by the unfortunate act and think the dead loved one was selfish for doing it. It almost feels like their loved one never considered family or friends when making the decision to end it all.

But at the same time, survivors might feel happy for them. The pain and anguish they were living with is no longer a burden to carry.

All the while, on top of every other clashing reaction, there is grief in the loss and its irreversibility.

I began to think of this one night when a very close friend of mine talked about an old friend who had committed suicide. He described his feelings as going "up and down" and feeling miserable that he was the last to see his friend alive. But he was happy he had the chance to see him and share time with him before it was too late.

I imagine seeing him was ordinary; I suppose his friend didn't even seem upset or sad about anything — he probably acted normally and gave no signs of the situation at hand. That is how people generally are right before the act. It's almost as if they have made up their minds to end it all and are finally at peace.

Sometimes people are hurting so deeply that they cannot find a way to fix it and feel they can't reach out for help. Dying seems to be the only way to end the pain, and they feel everyone in their life will somehow be better off. It is usually a mix of anger at the world, depression and sadness.

According to statistics gathered in 2002, 31,655 suicide deaths are recorded and approximately 790,000 attempts occur in the United States each year. Michigan alone recorded 1,106 suicide deaths in 2002. This means that every 16.6 minutes, another American dies by way of suicide. These facts also prove that people try, but somehow fail.

A new realization then might face them. The love they see and receive from family and friends might make them understand that life really is worth living, even if there are times that are unfavorable and feel horrible. There is still a reason to live.

In this particular instance involving my friend, I am sorry that he succeeded and didn't feel assured that life is not always bad, but rather can be, and is, great. Only a few bad spots are scattered along the way.

Survivors, please try to remember, it is not your fault. My friend tried to put blame on himself for his friend's suicide. He thought if he had stayed a little longer during their last visit, he could have saved his friend's life. I tried to explain to him that he was wrong. Although there was a chance he could have stopped his friend from going through with it, my friend could not have, and did not know, that suicide was even an issue with his buddy.

When a person is suicidal, it is almost like a "closet" issue. Unless he reached out for help, there was no indication the situation was that bad. My friend, and other survivors out in the world, cannot assume responsibility for the actions of another human being.

The facts are out there. They are readily and openly available to anyone and everyone. The first step is to recognize potential warning signs. If a friend or loved one is obsessed with death or voices thoughts of killing, firearms, or other means of violence, he or she may be at risk. If this is the case for you, or for someone you know, the most important thing to do is to seek help immediately. Be direct and firm, but supportive.

Remember to recognize and show understanding that the person in question might be apprehensive and hesitant, but continue to offer help and assistance at this crucial time. Above all, bear in mind this is not your fault, but you can still make a difference.

One life has been recently lost. To his friends, family, and loved ones, I send my support, sympathy, and compassion. For you, and for anyone else affected by suicide, I urge you to contact the following resources: MSU Psychological Clinic at 355-9564, Olin Student Health Center at 353-4660, The Listening Ear Crisis Line at 337-1717 and the Yellow Ribbon Suicide Prevention Program at (800) 734-2433. Also, for more information, visit the Web sites: www.suicidology.org and www.cdc.gov/ncipc/factsheets/suifacts.htm.

Lauren Fox is a copy editor for the State News. You can contact her at foxlaure@msu.edu.