When I was in ninth grade, there was only one video game in existence. I kid you not. I occasionally heard rumors that there were other games, and even game systems, floating around, but I took no notice. For me, "GoldenEye 007" for Nintendo 64 was the only game that mattered.
It was the smooth game play, the inventive missions and, of course, the best multiplayer action the gaming world had ever seen. The plotline was based entirely on the James Bond film "GoldenEye," but this was something entirely original and engaging.
In the years following the first game's 1997 release, I waited for a new "GoldenEye" game to come out. I prayed, sent letters and briefly looked into some benign forms of black magic (goat nipples are harder to obtain than you might think, and farmers, in step with popular stereotypes, really do tote shotguns), all in attempts to hasten a new "GoldenEye" release. Nothing came.
So, when I heard the news that a new "GoldenEye" title was being released, I nearly went insane. Had my prayers finally been answered? Was I to be rewarded for my steadfast loyalty to the first "GoldenEye" with an equally thrilling, graphically superior follow up?
Apparently not.
"GoldenEye: Rogue Agent" is certainly graphically superior to its predecessor but fails to provide anything close to the feelings of ecstasy I felt while playing the original.
The game's premise is intriguing enough. A recently-fired MI6 agent decides to join the dark side. Because his right eye was badly damaged during his tenure in her majesty's secret service, the agent negotiates with Auric Goldfinger - perhaps the most infamous Bond villain of all time - for a new, specialized eye. As you might guess, the eye is gold and, apart from looking cool while shining out from our protagonist's head, has a bunch of useful features.
In return for the eye, the rogue agent agrees to kill Dr. No, another Bond villain, and teams up with many other famous characters from the movies in his adventures.
This original plotline, however, cannot save the often tedious game play in "GoldenEye: Rogue Agent."
The missions seem generic and unfulfilling, and the enemies aren't sufficiently sinister. Sure, you can block bullets and jam guns with the help of your specialized eye, but can you have fun doing it? I really couldn't. I found myself rushing to be finished with levels hoping the next would prove more stimulating, but those hopes were never fulfilled.
It should be noted that the game isn't all bad. Some of the guns in the game are pretty inventive, and the fact that you can dual-wield many of them can make finding a good combination of weaponry a fun challenge.
Still, this feature is essentially a rip off of the dual-wield possibilities offered in "Halo 2" and does not do enough to save "Rogue Agent" from landing a spot on the ever-growing list of forgettable first-person shooters.
The thing is, this game has no right to be on this list. If EA Games had the gumption to invoke the name "GoldenEye," they had an obligation to the gaming public to deliver something equally stunning.
Does anyone know a black magic spell that can erase the memories of a painful gaming experience?
