Every day I travel from Lansing to East Lansing via Michigan Avenue.
In the mornings, it's pretty mundane. But on my way home at night, when I get the chance to glimpse the sun slipping behind the Capitol in a beautiful burst of red, orange, and purple, it makes me respect the area in which I live.
But that attitude changes as soon as my beater slams across the railroad tracks right before Cedar Street. My car collides with the jutting tracks so hard that it feels like the Beretta almost falls apart. And all of this happens at a Mach speed of idle.
Now, I don't know a thing about road commissions and taxes and fixing roads, but I do know this - it's the road to our Capitol that thousands of people travel throughout the year, don't you think someone could fix the frickin' tracks?
And don't stop tending there, road commission, because the whole road is one big, steaming pile of poo in need of some serious Queer Eye for the Straight Guy revamping. There are holes my car falls into, rough patches that simply keep getting repaved (e.g. the intersection of Michigan and Kalamazoo Avenues), and in all reality, stop fixing the side streets, fix the source - Michigan Avenue.
I absolutely hate that road so much it makes me want to invest in my own personal helicopter so I can fly over all the fools cursing Michigan Avenue with flying fists.
Now, onto better and brighter things, before my blood pressure sky rockets.
I've come to notice the Livestrong bracelets everyone fashionably sports are becoming the next What Would Jesus Do fad.
I find it hard to believe that everyone who wears the blinding yellow bands are doing it for the cause, but more for the sake of a popularity contest.
Now, don't e-mail me and cry about how you're a cancer supporter and how your grandma passed away from cancer - I know. But I just feel like it's some secret club you can't be a part of unless you can afford to buy 100 of the bracelets at $1 a pop.
Oh, and I went to check out the Web site, but according to www.livestrong.com, they do not support Macintosh browsers, so I traveled to eBay where some of the bracelets are selling for a whopping $7.90 each!
Give me a break.
There's also another phenomena I've noticed lately - John Kerry supporters drive pretty regular cars, but Bush supporters have luxury mobiles. This is probably because Kerry is blue collar and Bush supporters are the rich, but hey, that's just my opinion.
Case point, I was driving down Michigan Avenue to work when a souped-up Chevy Suburban drove past bearing its "W '04" American pride sticker.
In the midst of staring, I looked over at the prissy woman in the passenger's seat and watched as she proceeded to stick her pointer finger into the depths of her nostrils and dig out what some would consider to be a piece of gold.
At this point I started laughing and pointing at the woman, but she didn't see me, and she then proceeded to stick the pointer finger into her mouth and eat said booger.
Conclusion: Bush supporters eat nose cookies.
But no, seriously people, car windows are see-through.
Last week I also saw a guy popping his zit and I just thought, "Man, couldn't you wait until you got home?" as he rolled whatever prize he found inside his chin between his grubby fingers.
Gross. Nasty. Yuck.
So please, patrons of the road, do me a favor and keep it in mind to do your personal biznass in a private area. There's nothing more disgusting than boogers and zit puss, and witnessing people playing with those body juices is the most stomach-churning situation ever.
Lindsey K. Anderson is the State News music reporter. Reach her at ander848@msu.edu.