What does the average MSU student miss most about dormitory life? The curtailed freedoms? The inebriated sign-ins, followed by next-day disbelief and remorse about who was "signed in"? Perhaps the waffle machine?
In a roundabout way, the average off-campus dweller or squatter misses all of those. Moving off campus is like oral surgery. The bothersome, nagging roots of living in a 12-by-12 cell are yanked out in one swift, liberating pull, but one is left wishing he or she could get some ice cream from the caf to soothe the pain. Living on isn't about cafeteria food, though, it's about the frills that are realized upon their extraction.
Put the Joni Mitchell sentiment aside, and what remains is an affectionate longing for the luxuries only afforded to those under lockdown in the dorms. So, if there's a way to profit on this marketplace of student sentimentality, good capitalism says to corner it. Congratulations, Residence Halls Association, for doing your part in profiting from dorm-life yearning.
RHA is giving off-campus students the option of paying a $21 tax each semester to indulge in all the benefits of living on campus, without actually living on campus. Meaning, of course, that shelling out $21 at the beginning of each semester does not entitle you to unlimited trips to the salad bar and free rein in the dorms. RHA is a business, and they're smart; smarter than the student who thinks $21 will get you 3 squares a day for 18 weeks.
The membership gives off-campus students free admission to the Campus Center Cinemas - Wells Hall movie nights - and the RHA Movie Offices throughout the dorms. In addition, every time there's a discount for students who live in the dorms, the off-campus student can flash the membership card like Wayne and Garth backstage at the Alice Cooper concert.
It's not all mashed potatoes and gravy, though. It's arguable that the average off-campus dweller isn't spending $21 a semester for dollar-show movies and video rentals of "Turner and Hooch." Which is fine, according to RHA, because they don't even expect many off-campus students to take advantage of the membership.
RHA spokesman Brian Winters said that it's a measure to keep RHA in the black come the "belt tightening" President M. Peter McPherson has warned us all about. And in reality, it's win-win for students on-campus, off-campus and the RHA bean counters. It doesn't matter if RHA only sells five of these memberships - there's $100 that wasn't in the bank before, and at almost zero cost to them.
This, of course, is in line with a proposed $1 increase in the RHA tax paid each semester. Scoop up a membership for on-campus benefits now, vote in favor of the tax and reap the benefits of RHA having more disposable income to bring concerts, speakers and entertainment to campus.
So, at the risk of sounding like an RHA commercial - something we always have tried to avoid - we urge students to take advantage of the offer. Just sign up and let the Wells movie discounts pay for the membership itself and count the saved nickels and dimes.
One could even let them pile up and then finally buy some waffle mix and a waffle iron.
