If dorm drinking is outlawed, only outlaws will drink in the dorms. That's how it's been for years, no, generations of students.
Most of us have our tales of the time we hustled a case of Natural Light up the elevator and past the mentor's room, convinced that "Brad," the pimply mentor inside, could smell our fear. Perhaps there was a time you were enjoying a luke-warm Busch Light to celebrate your suitemate's 19th birthday, only to hear that knock - that knock, the one you just know belongs to "Brad the Mentor," destined to ruin your night.
We're a campus of outlaws, aren't we? Just one of about 15,000 students who've gotten tipsy in a dorm room at one time or another. We all have our war stories and battle scars of the time we were busted, which we retell proudly, exaggerating the conditions each time.
In a strange way, most of us are proud of the time we got busted drinking in the dorms. It's nearly a rite of passage at this university; it's a badge we wear proudly.
But recently, residents of campus dormitories have been crying foul on the alcohol regulations designed to keep underage students dry and the dorms a quiet, comfortable place to live. For the over-21 crowd still in lockdown in the 12-by-12 cable- and Internet-ready cell, though, you're free to hoist up. Cheers.
But in the midst of the booze bureaucracy that has become university policy, the little guy is bound to get screwed unfairly from time to time. It's an inevitability for the unlucky underaged: Because of the rules that dorm residents agree to adhere to, it's a possibility that you'll be busted for an alcohol-related offense when you're in the clear.
Congratulations on becoming an MSU dorm-drinking outlaw, but keep in mind the rules that govern dorm residents and their drinking habits actually are in the best interests of everyone.
For those of us who have moved out of the dorms, dormitory drinking is seen as a relatively idyllic time. It was a cat-and-mouse game, full of clandestine operations to sneak the booze in and get it down. And hey, in the meantime, you got drunk.
But then, remember the night the people you shared a wall with were screaming along to Blink 182 at 3 a.m? The dorm is a community, and the rules exist to protect everyone from everyone else's bad decision to drink while you're trying to sleep.
It's presumptuous to ask a 21-year-old dormitory resident not to drink in the privacy of his or her own room at a reasonable volume. It's his or her right to do exactly that. But in cases of underage dorm drinking, the hooch almost always is accompanied by loud talking, music and unnecessary face-first voyages to your dirty carpet.
If there's a reason you don't remember being loud when you were drinking in the dorms, there's a simple explanation. It's because you were hammered.
The rules that prevent underage students from drinking are a necessary evil. They keep us in line with the law outside, and more importantly, they keep everyone in the dorm community relatively happy.
There needs to be a happy balance when you share your home with a bunch of your peers. The rules might make us outlaws, but take them in stride. They're there for your protection.
