Forget Enron, WorldCom and Washington, D.C. The real crooks are in college basketball.
From NCAA suspensions, violations and infractions to Sunday's Duke-North Carolina late-game fracas, the Division I-A ranks of men's hoops are sporting an ugly black eye of corruption this year. And the degrees to which it has gone are getting more ludicrous than picking UNC-Asheville to run the table in the upcoming NCAA Tournament.
And now that six basketball programs are under the microscope of NCAA ethics, let's take a look at the police lineup and decide just who is responsible for getting college basketball dirtier than ever.
Suspect No. 1.
Name: Michigan.
Distinguishing marks: The Fab Five and a severe excess of North Face bubble jackets walking around Ann Arbor.
The crime: Accusations of late booster Ed Martin paying ex-Wolverines Chris Webber, Maurice Taylor, Robert Traylor and Louis Bullock $616,000. Apparently, everyone forgot they were amateurs.
The time: Michigan took the high road, striking down with some harsh, self-imposed bans on postseason play and forfeiting more than one hundred games.
The verdict: The self-imposed sanctions were a classy move, but they still committed an amateur sport cardinal sin - taking money and lying about it.
Suspect No. 2.
Name: St. Bonaventure.
Distinguishing marks: The ugly brown uniforms they had when they almost upset five-seed Kentucky in the 2000 NCAA tournament as a 12th-seeded Cinderella.
The crime: Junior college transfer Jamil Terrell playing ineligibly after not earning enough credits to transfer to the Bonnies.
The time: St. Bonaventure forfeited six conference games before the team decided to sit out the remaining two games of the season.
The verdict: Sitting out rather than dignify the school by playing? The ultimate middle-finger to the NCAA and college basketball fans everywhere.
Suspect No. 3.
Name: Arizona.
Distinguishing marks: Lute Olson's hair and a recent NCAA national championship.
The crime: A Chicago man reported seeing three Wildcats steal candy bars from a Kansas hotel vending machine.
The time: Arizona coaches paid the hotel manager $80 for the candy and I'm sure they issued a sincere, heartfelt apology.
The verdict: Funny enough to include, but not severe enough to take seriously. Plus - and I don't want to imply anything - think about the circumstances of the crime. College kids on a road trip? Eating LOTS of candy bars? I think it's just coincidence Arizona's Luke Walton has a Grateful Dead tattoo.
Suspects Nos. 4, 5 and 6.
Name: Georgia, Rhode Island and UCLA.
Distinguishing marks: Head coach Jim Harrick and his son, Jim Jr.
The crime: Where to start. Harrick Sr. allegedly lied on an expense account at UCLA and is accused of grade fixing and sexual harassment at Rhode Island. Former player Tony Cole accused Harrick Jr. of paying his phone bill, doing his schoolwork and being an overall shadowy figure.
The time: Harrick Jr. was fired. Harrick Sr. decided to try and clear his fishy name. More dirt and punishment from the NCAA is sure to follow.
The verdict: Hmmm, why would Tony Cole come forward with this? It couldn't be because his troubles with the law earned his expulsion from the team and he's so bitter that he decided to derail his former teammates and coaches as they prepare for college basketball's most important month, could it?
So whodunit? Who is responsible for giving college basketball its seediest year ever as the nation prepares to catch some March Madness? Cole? The Harricks? C-Webb?
No one's responsible. College basketball is all about the competitive edge - meaning there is cheating sometimes. It isn't admirable or even legal, but it happens. And guess what? We still love it.
So fill out your brackets next Monday. College basketball won't go away, but that doesn't mean it won't smell foul for the rest of its days.
Patrick Walters is a men's basketball reporter for The State News. He can be reached at walter88@msu.edu.
