Before I left for college, I got some advice from a friend's mother: "Don't get married and settle down until you're at least 25. By then, you have had time to find out what you really want out of life."
However, as my freshman year continues, I see more serious relationships turn into engagements destined for marriage.
Is 25 really the appropriate age to settle down and get married? How do you know for sure when you're ready to spend the rest of your life with someone else?
A guy from my hometown felt his time came a little sooner than usual. He came to MSU, met a girl and within less than a month, they were engaged. When asked if he was rushing things, he simply replied, "I've found the one I can spend the rest of my life with."
How can you know that after merely a month of knowing someone?
I've been in a stable, loving, healthy relationship for the past two and a half years, but I know that after a month, neither of us were ready to get married.
Or, there's my cousin who recently turned 19 and is engaged to her boyfriend of almost a year. She's ready to take the plunge this summer, after barely planning one of the most monumental days in her life. I don't know whether I admire her or am afraid she's going to be trapped in a doomed marriage, especially considering divorce is so common in our society particularly amongst young couples.
Over the course of time, a person changes and reshapes his or her personality many times. You won't be the same person when you get out of college. So why get engaged now, when you have a few more years ahead of you to decide who you really are? And even after you graduate, you still have changing to do. So many people have changed their ideals and morals in this time span, it just seems like you would wait until you really know what you want before you commit.
Your college years are such an open block of time, it just seems unfair and ridiculous to stifle that by getting engaged and completely pulling yourself off the market. Granted, one could brand me hypocritical because, after all, who am I to talk if I'm in one of those committed relationships?
My boyfriend and I know that anything can happen. We know there could be someone else out there for either one of us, and although we might not be entirely emotionally prepared to lose one another, at least we're aware the dating market has not closed for either of us yet.
When you make that kind of commitment with someone, you're taking on a lifetime of responsibility. Our lives have barely begun, and getting married before you've experienced the "real world" (i.e. life beyond college) is not a smart choice.
There is a financial aspect that it seems like every young couple seems to disregard when it comes to marriage. It's not rational to start a marriage, or a family for that matter, when you don't have any financial stability. So many marriages crumble because they didn't start out the right way - with financial and emotional stability as a foundation.
In our society, a marriage doesn't have the same weight it did back in the day of our parents or grandparents. Women and men leave their spouses every day for someone else, whether or not they have children. Nearly all middle-aged adults I know have been married once before and they married young first.
Divorce is not as taboo anymore. People fall in and out of love all the time. Knowing that feelings of love and affection can change, why would you want to settle down with one person without having a wide variety of experience in life? Try the real world out for yourself, and no, you can't do that with a wedding or engagement ring on your finger. You can, however, be in a healthy, stable relationship with someone and still maintain your independence.
Not all young marriages fail. However, the odds work against them. It is difficult at this age to know anything for sure, much less who you could spend the rest of your life with. Most at this point in their lives aren't mature enough to handle a marriage. But it wouldn't be fair for me to not acknowledge the few who do make it. Those who have the patience to not give up are incredibly admirable and give hope and an example to follow for others.
Just take a step back and think about what you want out of life. If you want to settle down early and begin a family with someone else, then by all means, go right ahead. If you have individual goals for yourself that you want to achieve (like an established career or being able to properly support a marriage and family), an early marriage or engagement is definitely not the way to go.
Jessica Nowak is a State News intern. Reach her at nowakjes@msu.edu.
