Welcome to college. No doubt you’ve gotten hundreds of bits of advice in the last few months. “Always go to class,” the people say. “Read the books, or you’ll fail miserably,” also a likely suggestion. “Plastics, son. Plastics is where it’s at,” an old curmudgeon from a movie might say.
No, there’s no shortage of advice as to how to conduct yourself in college. And rather than come up with some groundbreaking advice, your new, friendly neighborhood college newspaper is going to add to the pile. But trust us. Those of us who work at The State News have managed to remain in college while petering dangerously close to horribly low grades and making little money. We know where it’s at, and unlike all those other people, we can help you. Trust us.
First and foremost, it is important to go to class. At least, that’s what we hear. Going to class allows you to get notes and hear important announcements, like that the test is going to be moved back to next week, allowing you to procrastinate a little longer. Also, if you take enough quality notes, certain useless books can be forgotten, lightening your checkbook’s load when you have to buy books.
Second, reading. Reading, especially when you haven’t gone to class, allows a person to pass classes. If a professor asks you a question, it generally helps if you have some idea what they’re talking about. Also, nothing is more satisfying than buying a book for $90 and selling it back at the end of the semester for $10. Just ask the upperclassmen.
Third, partying. While most MSU students prefer to spend their free time working in the community and helping others, some occasionally enjoy going out socially with their friends. This, now and again, involves alcohol. Drinking responsibly is the preferred goal. Being responsible would include not driving, consuming too much or dancing naked in the streets.
Also, for those who are new to MSU, setting fires and turning over cars is strictly forbidden.
Fourth, dormitory food. By now, you’ve heard stories about dorm food. If you’re worried about weight gain, don’t worry. If you eat too much of any food, you will gain weight. Dorm food just happens to pack in enough calories for an entire day in a single grilled cheese sandwich. Also, it may be noted that dorm food may make your bowels move more quickly than normal food. This, we cannot deny. We only hope the walk from the cafeteria is not too long.
Fifth, campus groups. There are lots of organizations available for you to completely ignore as they operate in vain, hoping to grasp a few minutes of your attention and make you aware of important issues. Also, some go bowling on a regular basis. Most of all, many are funded by your tuition costs, meaning that you’re involved, whether you like it or not.
Surely, there are many other tips that could be given to a new person entering college. But to inform you would rob those of us with experience of telling you the wrong way to class or that there isn’t a “puny- freshman-buy-everyone-lunch” tax. Enjoy your time at MSU.
