My dad loves westerns. Every time I visit my parents, my mom complains my father wont watch anything but the Western Channel on Direct TV. Of course for the most part, shes right. Every time he and I sit down and he pops on one of the classic Western selections, he knows every part of every movie.
And so, as all men must, I am becoming my father. I will admit that now I can also spend a good chunk of time watching Clint Eastwood or John Wayne work their way through movie after movie, drinking whiskey, loving women and shooting guns, all in the glory of the Old West. A night with movies such as True Grit or even a modern classic like Unforgiven (which are both Oscar winners, for all you naysayers) is a good night, indeed.
This addiction to spaghetti Westerns is not nearly as bad as the love for The Three Stooges that my dad fostered, and Ill bet it hasnt hurt my chances with the ladies nearly as much. But it does give me a skewed perspective on the new release Texas Rangers.
I know what youre thinking: Texas Rangers? What the hell is that? Ive never even heard of it!
The reason you havent heard of it is that it hasnt been advertised, because the movie studios know its going to bomb. Its a western that stars James Van Der Beek, pop star Usher and Ashton Kutcher, if you can believe that. And the last I heard, teenyboppers dont watch Westerns. Sure, maybe its a lot harder to track down a poster of John Wayne than it is of Justin Timberlake, but Im pretty sure that your average Dawsons Creek viewer would rather be gagged with a spoon than sit down and watch a Clint Eastwood marathon on cable.
The movie has had its release date pushed back for nearly a year. It has gone through edit after edit and change after change in an effort to make it a bankable movie. The geniuses at the movie studios may have pummeled us with Corky Romano ads, but they had so little faith in this movie that they didnt even bother. Something tells me its lucky not to have been sent straight to video.
Ill admit, I tried to hate the flick. All these factors seemed too much to ignore.
But my love for Westerns got the best of me. Yeah, maybe the movie is predictable, clichéd and totally formulaic. It is, Ill admit it. But my dad and I havent spent hundreds of hours watching mind-blowing drama. Most Westerns are predictable. Thats what makes em Westerns, dammit.
So while Texas Rangers is definitely not going to win any awards, make any money or even bring more than a few hundred people into the theater, Im going to cast a vote for the underdog. Others may think the movie sucks, but hey, Im not the one who thinks crap like Summer Catch and Shes All That is worth flushing my money down the toilet for.
Besides, I get way too much mail from people saying Im overly negative in these reviews. Not that I read any mail that doesnt kiss my butt anymore, because Im just that kind of an egomaniac. You people want flowers and sunshine, here it is. I dont think a movie completely sucks. It may kind of yank, but me and my Western-loving brain had a good time. So yee-haw.