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Western flick is entertaining

December 4, 2001

My dad loves westerns. Every time I visit my parents, my mom complains my father won’t watch anything but the Western Channel on Direct TV. Of course for the most part, she’s right. Every time he and I sit down and he pops on one of the classic Western selections, he knows every part of every movie.

And so, as all men must, I am becoming my father. I will admit that now I can also spend a good chunk of time watching Clint Eastwood or John Wayne work their way through movie after movie, drinking whiskey, loving women and shooting guns, all in the glory of the Old West. A night with movies such as “True Grit” or even a modern classic like “Unforgiven” (which are both Oscar winners, for all you naysayers) is a good night, indeed.

This addiction to spaghetti Westerns is not nearly as bad as the love for “The Three Stooges” that my dad fostered, and I’ll bet it hasn’t hurt my chances with the ladies nearly as much. But it does give me a skewed perspective on the new release “Texas Rangers.”

I know what you’re thinking: “‘Texas Rangers’? What the hell is that? I’ve never even heard of it!”

The reason you haven’t heard of it is that it hasn’t been advertised, because the movie studios know it’s going to bomb. It’s a western that stars James Van Der Beek, pop star Usher and Ashton Kutcher, if you can believe that. And the last I heard, teenyboppers don’t watch Westerns. Sure, maybe it’s a lot harder to track down a poster of John Wayne than it is of Justin Timberlake, but I’m pretty sure that your average “Dawson’s Creek” viewer would rather be gagged with a spoon than sit down and watch a Clint Eastwood marathon on cable.

The movie has had its release date pushed back for nearly a year. It has gone through edit after edit and change after change in an effort to make it a bankable movie. The geniuses at the movie studios may have pummeled us with “Corky Romano” ads, but they had so little faith in this movie that they didn’t even bother. Something tells me it’s lucky not to have been sent straight to video.

I’ll admit, I tried to hate the flick. All these factors seemed too much to ignore.

But my love for Westerns got the best of me. Yeah, maybe the movie is predictable, clichéd and totally formulaic. It is, I’ll admit it. But my dad and I haven’t spent hundreds of hours watching mind-blowing drama. Most Westerns are predictable. That’s what makes ’em Westerns, dammit.

So while “Texas Rangers” is definitely not going to win any awards, make any money or even bring more than a few hundred people into the theater, I’m going to cast a vote for the underdog. Others may think the movie sucks, but hey, I’m not the one who thinks crap like “Summer Catch” and “She’s All That” is worth flushing my money down the toilet for.

Besides, I get way too much mail from people saying I’m overly negative in these reviews. Not that I read any mail that doesn’t kiss my butt anymore, because I’m just that kind of an egomaniac. You people want flowers and sunshine, here it is. I don’t think a movie completely sucks. It may kind of yank, but me and my Western-loving brain had a good time. So yee-haw.

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