Ahh, predictability. Almost all of modern sports movies are full of obvious twists and turns you can see coming before you even buy your ticket - and I’m not just talking about Adam Sandler movies.

Every team is awful at first, gets good, undergoes tragedy and then overcomes that tragedy to attain victory. That’s the basic plot of somewhere around 10 billion movies, and now it’s officially the plot of 10 billion and one. Hooray for the script-o-matic delivering mediocrity to your eyes over and over again.

“Hardball” is as predictable as it gets, never bothering to take a risk or twist the story in any way that would prove interesting. What it is, however, is a well-made sugary sweet story that will make your teeth rot and your mind numb, if you’re into that kind of thing.

Keanu Reeves plays Conor O’Neill, a drunken gambler who finds himself in debt by about $12,000 to bookies. O’Neill goes to old friend Jimmy Fleming (Mike McGlone) for help with the money, but Fleming’s tired of his deadbeat buddy after he found out he scammed him for five grand.

But he offers him a job: coach the inner-city baseball team his firm sponsors, and he’ll give him $500 a week. O’Neill takes the job because he needs the money, and Fleming no longer has to drive his Mercedes-Benz into the projects and get his whitebread butt jacked.

You know where it goes from there; O’Neill doesn’t care about the team, but the kids begin to trust his straightforward nature, and he finds himself buying them pizza and taking them to baseball games, finding purpose in his existence through helping kids.

O’Neill not only sobers up, but quits gambling all in the span of a week or two. This would be all right if it was explained, but suddenly he just stops drinking and gambling, like he was still doing it, but they cut those scenes. He never gets the shakes or attends Alcoholics Anonymous, he just stops drinking and starts shaving.

One thing I can commend is Keanu’s performance, as well as the kids on the team. Not only is the relationship between the team fun to watch, but Reeves does the best he can with the role. I know people give him a lot of flak, but I’m a nerd and he was in “The Matrix,” so shut up. Besides, he was also in “Point Break” and “Devil’s Advocate,” which were both cool.

The interaction between O’Neill and the kids is believable and fun, and the personalities on the team are fun to watch. They’re all ripped right out of the “nice” ghetto kids mold that Hollywood developed a few years ago.

You also never see the team practice after a while - but they get good - good enough to predictably win the championship game after a manipulative twist of tragedy that is sure to bring a tear to the eye of every person that cries at manipulative twists. If you cried at “Bambi,” you’ll love this one. Myself, I only cry at mature fare such as “Snoopy, Come Home,” a classic indeed.

It all comes down to the same old moral we’ve seen for a few years now in films like this - privileged white person who has squandered all of their advantages finds redemption by helping out (insert minority group here) and realizing that his life isn’t so bad. He goes on to be a moral person who no longer smokes crack before job interviews and pays his taxes on time.

As far as substance goes, this one is complete junk food. Far from being a substantial film, this one’s all about eye candy. It’s just not going to stick with you. Some movies change you forever and some just drain your wallet.

This one is for entertainment. Cheesy, formulaic entertainment, but I guess some people like that.

Guys, take a date because it’s a) sweet, and chicks dig that and b) way better than renting “Forces of Nature” again, isn’t it? Women, you can take a guy because it’s about baseball, and all guys are required by unwritten law to pretend we actually like baseball.

If you want a nice middle-of-the-road movie, this one’s your ticket for mind-numbing goodness.