I felt really old the other day.

I’m sure it had nothing to do with attending my friend’s bachelor party the night before, but more with a conversation I had with a few friends about old-school comedians, and buying comedy albums (yup, vinyl records).

I was telling the story about the first album I ever bought, at a drug store near my home in 1982, which was Steve Martin’s “Let’s Get Small.”

One of the tracks was called “Smoking,” and the big joke was “Mind if I smoke? ... Noooooo ... mind if I fart?”

Some of you who are old enough might remember how funny it was. Sure, I was only 10 at the time, but my friends and I wiled away many hours laughing at Martin’s jokes, which our parents thought were way over our heads and maybe even too obscene for us to be listening to.

I also remember being at a fancy restaurant that year in Minneapolis with my family. We were celebrating something or another while a man at the next table was smoking a big cigar and discussing some type of important business with his three-piece suit-wearing friends.

A waiter walked up to his table, carrying a telephone with a long cord trailing from it, which led back into the distance. “Mr. So-and-so, you have a telephone call, sir,” the waiter said. Mr. So-and-so put down his cigar and thanked the waiter.

“Excuse me fellas, I’ve gotta take this,” he said. He picked up the phone, looked at his cigar, turned his head toward the table and said in a muffled voice:

“Yup ... Mmmhum. OK, yeah, right ... tell them everything’s all set.” He hung up the phone, gave the waiter a tip and he took it away, the long cord trailing behind him.

I remember thinking to myself how cool it would be to have been so important as to receive a phone call at a restaurant.

And I remember imagining how cool it must be to smoke a giant cigar at dinner with my important friends.

Flash forward 19 years. I was at a rather fun East Lansing bar last week, celebrating something or another with some friends, when I noticed two women at the next table.

They were talking about something that had them laughing quite a bit, when one woman’s cell phone rang. She fumbled through her purse, and answered.

“Hello?... Yeah, I’m at (insert name of fun East Lansing bar). ... Oh yeah? Hmm. ... Well, we were thinking of going to (insert name of less-fun East Lansing bar) later on. Yeah? Hmm ... I just saw them the other day at (insert name of even less-fun East Lansing bar). Yeah, I think they were (insert random name of MSU fraternity). Hmm ... OK. ... Well, I was thinking of going there tomorrow afternoon, after my haircut appointment. ... Yeah?... OK, great, well, I’ll call you when we leave. ... Yeah, you too, bye.”

The two girls returned to their laughing as she returned her cell phone to her purse.

Surely this story can be repeated many times in many different locations, ranging from movie theaters to libraries to standing in line at the bank. I’ve got news for you cell phone users, whether you are young women, young men or even Mr. Hot-shot lawyer: No one cares about your personal life!

The other day at the bank, I overheard two young men in line talking about their cell phones. One of them said his cell phone rang while he was on the bus. He answered it and talked. He said, “jeez! Everyone looked at me as if I had just lit up a cigarette or something.”

Well, you might as well have, pal. The Cellular Telecommunications and Internet Association estimates the number of U.S. wireless subscribers at nearly 117 million.

In its annual study last September, the Yankee Group found 21 percent of cell phone use was in places other than the home, car or workplace, up from 15 percent a year earlier.

I could go on and on about the dangers of cell phone use in cars (running over me while I’m jogging, or distracted drivers killing people), but I’d prefer to keep this to an etiquette issue.

When your cell phone rings, politely excuse yourself from your table, movie theater or place in line and walk or turn away and take your call.

The rest of us don’t care about the trivial details of your life, so don’t make us listen to them.

In many places, that decision has been made for you.

At the beginning of this year, Amtrak introduced a “quiet car” on many of its routes, where the use of cell phones has been banned. In the suburbs of New York, railroad companies have even gone so far as to take out billboards, reminding cell phone users to be considerate of their fellow passengers.

How sad it is that we now need billboards to promote common courtesy, but that’s another column. Some restaurants have even gone so far as to have “no cell” sections.

If Steve Martin was still producing quality comedy albums today, the new joke could be, “Mind if I smoke? ... Noooooo ... mind if I use my cell phone?”

Jack Flakne, a 1995 MSU graduate, can be reached at jackflak55@yahoo.com.