Contrary to the jokes and stereotypes many believe describe men and women’s inability to understand each other, there is at least one thing they have in common.
They both love to kiss.
It’s just that women really, really, really love kissing - a lot.
There are hundreds of Internet sites that mention kissing, and dozens of Web-based surveys on this subjects.
And many of these surveys suggest most women consider the activity more intimate than having sex.
“Kissing is more intimate than a hug and more personal than sex,” said Lyman Briggs freshman Rebecca Jurrens. “I don’t know how to explain it in words - it just is.”
But human biology senior Alan Wilson said he couldn’t commit to just one form of intimacy.
“(Kisses, hugs, and sex) are each special in their own way,” he said. “They’re intimate on different levels.”
No matter which action an individual feels is more special, there is one concept most people seem to agree on - nobody can fake a kiss.
Nobody can escape the two distinctive sets of smells, tastes and saliva volume meeting and mixing.
“A kiss is where it’s going to happen or not, it’s where the sparks fly,” pre-med freshman Carrie Gonzales said.
Former Boston College English Professor Michael Christian has lectured about kissing since 1991 and has appeared on more than 100 television and radio programs to discuss his international best-selling book, “The Art of Kissing,” published under his pen name William Cane.
“Recent sex surveys indicate that modern lovers believe kissing is one of the most essential aspects of a relationship,” he wrote. “Yet men and women are increasingly reporting there is not enough kissing in their love lives.”
One reason for the inadequacies could be distorted definitions of intimacy and sexuality facing society, said MSU psychology Professor Gary Stollack.
“For some reason, most people seem to think intimacy has to lead to sexuality,” he said. “That isn’t necessarily true, but it’s what most of us seem to learn early in our lives.”
People develop their concepts of intimacy and sexuality mostly through their parents and school, Stollack said.
“Schools and sex education are probably the worst,” he added. “They get so caught up with sex and the issues of sexuality that we are never taught the importance of, or how to just be, one another’s friend.”
Stollack said this lack of friendship is one of the leading causes of divorce.
The marriage and family counselor used the 1989 movie “When Harry Met Sally” to illustrate the importance of friendship in romantic relationships.
Harry (Billy Crystal) spends most of the film trying to convince Sally (Meg Ryan) that men and women can’t “just be friends” because one will eventually want sex.
Eventually, both characters become friends and finally fall in love before closing credits, thus spending eternity happily ever after.
“Most divorces have nothing to do with anything sexual,” Stollack said. “Women aren’t just satisfied with a ‘partner’ anymore, they’re looking for a friend. Men are starting to see it that way, too.”
But author Lynn Harris says while friendship is great, the first step to making it forever could very well be a good kiss.
And, it seems, one that is preferably long-lasting, light, gentle, with a hint of tongue movement and saliva control.
“Women do like to ‘make out,’” said the author of “Breakup Girl to the Rescue: A Superhero’s Guide to Love and Lack Thereof.”
“I hear from my peers that it is old-fashioned and kind of cute, with a little promise of something more,” she added. “After all, the sexiest thing is thinking about what you are not doing.”
Additionally, a passionate kiss was the ending of choice for the late British novelist Barbara Cartland (1901-2000), who wrote more than 550 books - mostly romance novels - and remains among the top five best-selling authors of all time.
“The classic story was of a lower-class woman who would fall for and win the heart of an upper-class man. And every novel ended with a kiss,” said Gary Hoppenstand, professor of American Thought and Language and popular culture expert at MSU.
“She did it like that on purpose,” he added. “She figured the rest could be left up to the imagination.”
Hoppenstand said final love-story kisses, like those in Cartland’s novels and romantic comedies like “When Harry Met Sally,” tell much of people’s longing for a “magical” kiss.
And “magical kisses,” he said, are those familiar in fairy tales - like the kiss that woke Sleeping Beauty or brought Snow White back to life.
“The kiss is often the first step toward marriage,” he said. “And sometimes the most important step.”
MSU film Professor Erik Lunde said kisses portrayed through the modern media are as old as the art itself.
He cited an 1896 Thomas Edison Studio production entitled “The Kiss.”
“It was one of the earliest and first sensational films ever made,” said Lunde about the short film, which takes about as long as a kiss to watch.
“That really does say something about people and their interest in kissing,” he added. “Even in Victorian America, when it wasn’t a popular public thing to do, people still wanted to see it.”
But as far as the search for intimacy goes,
