Breaking Down a Breakup

Have you ever looked back on a breakup and thought, in retrospect, you should’ve seen it coming?

Before every major ending, there are little signs and signals that might not be as clear during the relationship as they are after it’s over.

There are the obvious causes of breakups — cheating, fighting, etc. — but there also are some less obvious signs of an unhappy relationship and causes for breakups.

1. Incompatibility.

A. Interests.

This is a huge one for most people. At this age, we’re starting to hit our peaks of attractiveness. No more awkward pubescent body parts (hopefully), we’re done with that. So, in many cases, we can be fooled into thinking we really like someone because we’re physically attracted to them. But you have to look at the facts — are you compatible? Do you share some of the same interests? Do you have the same sense of humor and make each other laugh?

B. Beliefs/Opinions.

There are some who might argue a difference in beliefs and opinions are a deal breaker, but I disagree. We were all raised differently and come with our own packaged set of experiences. That’s what makes relationships beautiful ­— the ability to share those with each other and learn from your boyfriend or girlfriend.

You don’t have to agree on everything. Chances are, you probably won’t end up marrying someone you meet between 18-22 (I’m jealous of those of you who do!) So, what’s the big deal if you hold different opinions? You’re entitled to them, but you have to respect your sweetheart’s as well, or it’s not going to work. Regardless of my opinion on opinions, this can be a cause of tension in many relationships.

2. Insecurity.

Sometimes when someone is insecure with themselves, it reflects on their relationships. I’ve been involved with someone who didn’t get along with his family, didn’t like his job, didn’t like what he was studying and didn’t know where he was going with his life. I, on the other hand, am obsessed with my family, in love with my job, adore journalism and I’ll be Oprah someday. His insecurities caused resentment as I sat around mapping out my future and my step-by-step plans for reaching for my goals. He also mentioned he felt dumb around me many times, partly due to my vocabulary … Hello, I’m a writer?

3. Selfishness.

When you become involved with another person, you become involved with another person. This means the “me, me, me” behavior you’re probably used to might have to adjust a little bit. I know I love someone who is caring, considerate and thoughtful — who wouldn’t? When I’m having a rough day because a source isn’t calling back, I melt when my sweetheart asks what he can do to help my day go a little bit smoother. But when I’m with someone who never really cares to ask, I start to wonder if he cares about my life at all. Ask me what I’m doing, ask me how I’m feeling, ask me how my family is — ask me anything, just ask!

In conclusion, these are all reasons for breakups, but I beg you to follow a piece of advice. If you find someone intelligent, caring, supportive, kind, funny, affectionate and goal-driven that isn’t too bad on the eyes, think about what you have in front of you and really weigh what matters in a relationship.

Differing opinions on world events or public issues shouldn’t outweigh the good memories, the laughs and the fun you had with someone. If you’re insecure, work on it, and appreciate your sweetheart for who they are.

Show heart and compassionate and have the dignity to part ways in a civil manner. Not a through a text.

The Ex-Factor

Trust (noun)

1 : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something : one in which confidence is placed

2 : dependence on something future or contingent : hope

According to Merriam-Webster, that’s the definition of trust and I think many people in today’s society need to take a long, hard look at it.

At 20 years old, I am sick about hearing about trust issues. I cannot tell you the amount of times I’ve heard someone tell me they’re hesitant about entering into a new relationship because they have problems with trusting people.

What a cop out.

My frustration with this excuse is that plain and simple: Everyone has trust issues, or at least a majority of people do.

Heck, if you’re smart, you’ll be aware and conscious about what the person you’re seeing is doing, thinking or feeling. It’s not a bad thing to keep an eye on those types of signs to make sure things aren’t heading south without you knowing it.

But I am just a little tired of listening to, “Well, my ex has left with me with trust issues so I’m just a little bit apprehensive.”

Back pedaling out of a potentially amazing relationship because your ex left you with a few wounds and you’re scared to get hurt again is just a plain old cop out.

We ALL have ex issues. I doubt you’ll find a person on the street who will tell you they haven’t had their heart stomped on at some point or another. Chances are, if you try to tell someone you can’t start something new with them because you have trust issues from your past, they have a list to throw right back.

But the past is the past. Don’t make someone in your future pay for your ex’s mistakes.

We all are still waiting for some emotional scars to heal. But at 20 years old, there are few people that have a tremendously terrible ex story that was gruesome enough to create an emotional barricade from future love.

There are reasons you and your ex didn’t work out and you should note those reasons, then understand that your new girl or guy is probably a completely different person from your ex.

There is a time and place to talk about what you’ve been through but that time should not be the beginning of a relationship. It can scare away someone who could make you a lot happier.

Your new love interest does not want to hear about all the things that made your ex terrible ­— it just shows them that your ex is still on your mind.

When I was a junior in high school, a boyfriend of mine kept talking about his ex’s little sister and how much he loved her and how much she loved him and blah blah blah. As someone with a little sister I hold as the number one importance in my life, I was both irritated he wasn’t interested in getting to know mine and the fact that his ex was still a relevant topic in our daily conversations.

So, being the high-schooler that I was, I created one of those Facebook pages you can “like.” It’s called “I really like hearing about your ex, please do go on.”

And Facebook users would write on the page telling stories about how they wish their current beau would shut up about their ex. The support made me feel better, but the moral of the story is that this advice I’m giving is not unfounded.

So to sum it up, keep your ex talk to a minimum, unless your new love interest seems generally concerned with your past. It’s good to know what you’re working with in a relationship and what type of emotional baggage someone is carrying, but sometimes bringing those issues that have been buried in your past to the surface can be painful for both parties.

Don’t hide anything, just don’t go out of your way to bring it up. It’s important to reflect on why you and your ex broke up, but that’s something that you can ponder on your own time. You shouldn’t let those scars stop you from being open to something new.

When it comes to your relationships, look at the present, look at the possible amazing future ahead and leave that ex where he or she belongs — in the past.

Absence make the heart grow fonder? Yes, it does

We’ve all heard the phrase, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” But when it comes to long distance relationships, does the expression hold true?

It goes without saying there is nothing easy about long distance relationships.

For one, there’s obviously a good possibility you rarely have the chance to see your significant other.

Amongst the sea of “I miss you” texts sent back and forth, you might find yourself growing bitter as you watch couples pass you by on the street, holding hands and cooing at one another.

When fights arise, it’s easier to talk about problems face-to-face, because you most of the time, you can tell exactly what someone else is feeling by the look on their face. I realize we have phone calls, texting and Skype now, but technology can only take us so far.

Temptation is a factor in every relationship, but when you’re each in a far-away city — most likely a setting full of college students — for many, it can be hard to stay strong. All too often we live by the out of sight, out of mind type of thinking.

Recently, I was faced with a similar situation. I had been seeing a guy who lived a few hours away from me and we both worked so much, hang outs were few and far between.

One day, about a month into these “hang outs,” I was walking down Grand River and tripped over the curb, taking what was undoubtedly the most ungraceful fall of my life. Luckily, on my way to my impending doom, I was caught by a stranger passing by.

The stranger — a tall, dark-haired guy about my age — laughed as he caught my flailing arms and through his perfect smile, he said, “Are you okay?”

Embarrassed, I regained my balance, adjusted my clothes and nodded. He started to ask me questions about where I was going in such a hurry and I told him I was heading to The State News.

Ten minutes of back and forth small talk later, he ended the conversation by asking for my number.

That’s when I was faced with the question: Was the guy I saw every few weeks who lived hours away worth dissing this charming guy practically lived in my backyard?

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

Yes he was worth it and yes, this phrase is true.

You learn to appreciate the time you do have with someone when you’re in a long distance relationship. You appreciate the miles you drove to see each other and the moment you’re back in each other’s arms.

Even if you can’t see it when you’re dating someone, think about what happens weeks after you break up with them.

After the anger fades and you realize your relationship is actually over, you start to remember all the good things about them. It’s like the reason you broke up starts to fade (sometimes), and you miss the little things — the flower necklaces she made you, the way he flipped his baseball hat backwards when his favorite song came on the radio, and so on and so forth.

Call me sappy, but I think long distance relationships, though far from easy, are absolutely beautiful.

And even though I let that beautiful stranger on the street go, I let something a lot better into my life that day — a long distance relationship.

Future bride concedes wedding rights to mother

Almost every young person between the ages of sixteen and thirty has thought of their wedding at least once. Whether it’s that they’re dying to get married or never plan to walk down that aisle, the thought has at least crossed their mind.

The reason I call this commitment to attention is because my brother recently returned from his honeymoon. And after jealously scrolling trough his new wife’s 400 pictures of everything — really, everything — they saw on their trip to the Bahamas, liking about 150 of them in what my awesome self believed to be payback, I got to thinking: Just how many of us have put real thought into our weddings?

Now from my experiences I’ve met girls who are counting down to that big day. I know a girl who has had each and every tiny minute detail planned right down to the type of ribbon holding her bouquet together. But I sometimes feel that with such set plans and high expectations, there are a lot of room for disappointments.

When something goes wrong in the planning process, brides with perfect images of their dream weddings might not be satisfied with easy solutions. This leaves little room for others to take part in the planning, such as your mother, your maid of honor and especially your groom’s mother.

As for me, I know right now that I can hardly take care of Copernicus — the blonde hamster who lives in my apartment and sleeps virtually all day — nonetheless take care of a man. Perhaps my hesitation over even calling someone a boyfriend at the moment makes me somewhat unfit for this discussion, but my wedding is definitely far out of sight for me.

But when the time comes and I do begin considering my “big day,” I want other people in my life to share the fun.

What’s the point of planning a big beautiful wedding if you’re the only one who fully enjoys it?
If my husband wants a taco bar rather than a steak-dinner reception: Deal. If my sister wants to wear a big pink maid of honor dress, I’m not only going to not put up a fuss, I’ll encourage it.

Those “Say Yes to the Dress” and “Bridezillas” reality show sometimes give off the wrong impression, as if the wedding day is meant to be all about the bride.

Though she never really voiced it, I could tell my mother was itching to help with my brother’s wedding, but knew that because she was mother of the groom, it wasn’t her place to make any decisions. After watching the look on her face as my brother and his then-fiance went over the wedding plans detail by detail, she wanted to be a part of it so badly. After all, with some family issues, she never had a full-out beautiful white wedding herself.

Well mom, you’ve got mine. It’s all yours.

And my Aunt Cindy, the mother of my two male cousins. And our neighbor, who is more like family, Mrs. Dudash, also a mother of two boys.

Planning this day will mean more to you than it ever would to me. All I need is my family, my friends and my prince charming next to me and that day will be perfect.

Roses or lillies? Live band or DJ? In a church or in garden?

Whatever.

It’s all yours, Mama. Make your dream wedding come true.

Social media plays role in relationships

Have you ever scrolled your social media newsfeed and came upon a picture of a couple kissing, with the caption somewhere along the lines of, “I’m so in love with you pookie bear cuddlekins, happy one month!” or something just as revolting?

Yeah, I have too.

And you know what? We’re not the only ones.

Being the technology-driven generation that we are, it has now become necessary to address the affiliation between relationships and social media such as Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

One of the most age-old aspects of a relationship in the social media world is being Facebook official — that is, being in a relationship on your profile.

For me, this has always caused a bit of anxiety that I can only assume is a result of my presumed fear of the point where you have to publicly become “no longer in a relationship.” This is where friends, family members and even distant acquaintances can take a look at your failed relationship and send you, “Sorry ;(“ comments all day long.

For others, it is a public sign of commitment to everyone who can type your name into the search bar. It’s a way to ward off exes or those who may have been interested.

In terms of posting on these social media sites, some people definitely go overboard. It’s great to show appreciation for your significant other, but I think it’s a unanimous vote that for the most part, no one wants to see it.

You can always tell I’m in a relationship because there will be someone I try my best to make fun of on their Facebook walls via witty statements, pictures or inside jokes about my “I told you so” moments with them. Yes, I’m stuck in the 4th grade.

Sometimes social media can become a form of peer pressure on the Internet. A female friend of mine began pinning specific pictures on her Pinterest. First came flowers, then chapels, then the big white dress of her dreams. Because the Pinterest was connected to her Facebook, her significant other, David, been noticing these signs. Soon enough, Facebook users are commenting on her posts saying, “David, the pressure’s on!”

Without technology, this would never have been an issue. Since when did peer pressure become virtual?

Overall, I’d have to say it’s best to keep relationships off the Internet. With the cons outweighing the pros, at least in my book, please do the World Wide Web a favor at keep your mushy-gushyness to yourself.

Do's and Don'ts for Keenan and Kel

Whether they’re buying you chocolates, arranging double-dates with your friends or paying for dates, there are always some things you wish your boyfriend or girlfriend wouldn’t do and others you wish they did more.

What things do you want your sweetheart to do, and what things would you rather they just didn’t do?

Kellie

One thing that I have always loved is when my boyfriend takes care of me when I’m sick.

I’m always on the go, running across campus trying to get my stories done and sometimes it catches up with me.

When I give him the congested “Babe, I’m sick. Do you have any chicken noodle soup?” phone call, I love when my boyfriend is right there with a myriad of over-the-counters from his medicine cabinet.

But what I don’t like is when he feels like giving his fashion expertise.

For the most part, boys take showers, run a quick hand through their hair, throw on some jeans and a T-shirt and they’re done.

So, what makes them fashion experts? Many girls want their guys to tell them, “Oh, that doesn’t look flattering on you,” or “you might not be able to pull off short hair.”

Excuse me?

If a guy has no idea how to tie a ponytail, has never had to deal with a bikini-line wax and thinks Audrey Hepburn was that chick who slept with JFK, then I don’t want to hear it.

You tell me if I look beautiful, or if I look beautiful. (I know what I said.) If I want a critical opinion about how I look, I’ll ask my mother.

What I do love is when my boyfriend carries things for me. I am a little—and I mean little—girl. I definitely consider myself all about power to the women, but I will never complain if he holds my door open, if he takes the heavy backpack off my shoulders and slings it over his or does anything to make my walk a little easier.

The best part is when he knows he doesn’t have to, but he does all those small, sweet things anyway. It’s considerate, thoughtful and charming.

But another thing I’m not a fan of is being overly lazy. Like I said before, I’m always on the go, but sometimes I still want that wonderful night out.

I’m an easy-going girl – I’d rather be at Leo’s Coney Island than a P.F. Changs, so I’m not asking for much.

All I’m asking is that he doesn’t let the massive piles of homework, exams and papers take over our lives. I still want a reason to put on some nicer clothes and think about something other than the looming responsibilities of getting a college education.

Something I do love is playing middle school.

And by that I mean doing all the things you did when you were littler – passing notes, making CDs for each other and sending goofy pictures of your friends to each other.

I used to have a boyfriend that would leave me notes in the strangest places that I would find at the strangest times.

There is nothing that brightens my day more than opening my planner to find “10:20 – Make time for your boyfriend” scribbled in the corner of the page

Keenan

Things I like a woman to do for me

A man takes on a big responsibility when dating a lady, especially when you’re on your first few dates.

For those dates it’s usually the dude picking something out, some big event or something to wow his woman. I put a ton of thought into every evening I spend with a woman and when they can do the same it’s amazing.

Some of the best nights I’ve ever had with a woman were having them take me to a concert of a band I love or planning an evening to a great restaurant and a movie she doesn’t even really want to see.

After a few months, I’m probably sick of paying for everything, or at least my wallet might be. That might offend a few people, but I’m not made of money.

I think it’s a wonderful gesture and it’s incredibly thoughtful. When it happens you realize your lady knows your right down to your wallet, and thats pretty awesome.

I feel like on every cliché list of what dudes should do for ladies it usually says, “call her, just because.” I’ve done it before, just to talk and catch up when we’ve done nothing but text for the day.

Honestly, I love when a girl will call me just to talk to me and ask me about my day. Going out of her way is key to me and that’s what all three of these have to do with.

I do a lot to care and take care of a lady, and I love when it’s given back to me especially in the form of an out-of-the-blue phone call.

Things I hate a woman to do for me

It has never happened in all honesty, but if it ever did, I wouldn’t have it. I don’t know why but for some reason I view that as a man’s responsibility.

Of course sometimes I might want to put my head on a shoulder or lean into you, the last thing I ever want to do is have you slide behind me and hold me. It makes me feel inadequate, plus that’s my job.

This one is probably more about my ego. As a man I feel like I should always provide for my lady, and honestly I still believe in romance. I think flowers are a really dope gift to a lady because they last for a few days, then you can get her new ones. You arrange them just for her, pick out her favorite flowers and its absolutely classic.

Has a girl ever gotten flowers and said to herself “gross, get these away from me!” No. That being said it’s a strict man to woman gift. The one time I got flowers, I felt like I was taking a back seat. I loved her meaning behind it, but I’d never felt smaller. Generally, I think its a man thing to do.

Being a straight up gentleman is heavily underrated. I think that paying for a lady the first few months you take her out is a gentleman’s thing to do.

Later on in a relationship I love when I girl can chip in and provide, however for the first few dates put your wallet away. I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t appreciate the gesture, but I truly don’t when we’re first getting things started.

Instant killers of the dating world

When you’re out having a wonderful time on a date with someone, they’re saying all the right things and you think it really could go far, was there ever something you suddenly noticed that instantly canceled it all out?

Kellie
With the loss of Josh as my co-pilot for the blog, I had to recruit a new man to add to my pizzazz on the blog — Keenan Cronyn.

He’s a designer here at The State News who knows his way around the dating field and has a new perspective to share with our readers.

So, without further ado, welcome to the new Keenan and Kel.

This week’s topic: deal breakers.

Deal breakers are little things — often physical, sometimes personality traits — that you realize you just cannot deal with.
My new pal Keenan and I laid out our top three deal breakers, what are yours?

1. Oral Hygiene
As someone who has spent many years with a mouth full of metal, I know firsthand the importance of nice teeth. I’m one of those people who skips on the way to the dentist and spends hours in the mouthwash aisles, so isn’t it natural to expect my man to do the same? Maybe his teeth aren’t perfectly straight, that’s fine. But please, please brush your teeth. Bad breath or oral hygiene isn’t usually something you notice immediately, but when you do … Oh, it’s a deal breaker.

2. Immaturity
As I highlighted in my last blog, there is no bigger turn off than a guy you’re afraid to take out in public. If I’m worried he’s going to make some sort of public disturbance or embarrass me in hopes of being cute and playful, I’m not going to have a good time. Sometimes we try to laugh these off on our dates and chalk them up to being rare instances, but for me, the more they happen, the more I’m planning my escape.

3. For lack of a better word, stupidity
I’m a woman who appreciates men who are intelligent. I’m talking someone who’s witty, cultured or can at least laugh at himself once in a while. I have always been someone who picks brains over brawn — ask my mom, she never fails to point that out. So guys who are unable to hold a conversation, or when they do, it’s always about themselves, are just not my cup of tea. I love teasing my guy and if I’m forced to stop and either repeat my statements or “dumb it down,” it just ruins the chemistry.

Keenan
With the absence of Josh Mansour, I’ve been asked to fill in. As the second most eligible bachelor in the office, behind Josh of course, I was a natural replacement.

For my inaugural post we’re discussing a pretty important piece to the puzzle of a successful relationship. First off, it’s important to note that I’m probably one of the pickiest dudes out there. I’m not looking for a princess and I don’t have a dream girl in my head, but my list of deal breakers is longer than a thanksgiving grocery list.

It also is important to note that when you’re looking at a relationship, there are going to be plenty of things that might bother you about your woman, but you have to decide what is simply too much to put up with.

My choices are three pretty ambiguous ideas, however, they’re probably my first and most important three.

1. Be engaging, be an individual
This one’s easy. Do you remember in high school on the first day of school when you’d go around the room and your teacher would ask you to say your name, your year and something you like to do? If you were that girl who said “hanging out with friends,” we’re already over.

I love a woman who can expand my ideals. Having simple, predictable interests or hobbies is a killer.

One of the coolest parts of a relationship is being able to learn from someone and try new things. If you don’t have interests or passion for something, what am I going to learn from you? How can you expand who I am?

Similarly, individuality is an expression of confidence. If a girl can’t be exactly who she wants to be one hundred percent of the time, then who is she? I don’t want to spend half our time together stroking a nonexistent ego, I’d rather embrace your personality for all that it is and learn from it.

The fact of the matter is, if you’re a simple person who can’t engage me, show me new things or be your own person, we have no business being together.

2. Don’t show up if you’re not going to put yourself together
Every time I’m picking you up for a night out I’m going to be clean-shaven, my hair will be on point and I’ll be dressed clean head to toe. I expect the same.

Throughout the course of a relationship there will be relaxed nights on the couch with a blanket and sweats, but if we’re headed out somewhere for a night on the town or whatever it may be, put yourself together.

It’s a sign of mutual respect when you can put on makeup, put on a fresh outfit and your hygiene is in order. If I care about you, I simply want everyone to see what I see in you. I will always give you my best, and all I want is yours in return.

3. Sense of humor
This actually might be the most important deal breaker. One of the best moments in a relationship is being able to share a laugh. We may come from two different places and backgrounds, but it’s imperative that we can smile and enjoy a laugh out of something similar.

Going hand in hand with this concept is each party needs to be able to put a smile on the other’s face. If you can’t make me laugh, we’re going to have an extremely dry, business-oriented relationship. Though essentially the ultimate goal of any relationship is a daily routine and reproduction of other humans, I want to be entertained in the interim.

An instant killer to this concept is a combination of bad stories and bad jokes. If you’re going to ramble on for the punch line or try to tell me a story with no climax, don’t even open your mouth.
A relationship should make you smile on bad days and highlight the best moments with a big smile or a hearty laugh. Without that, you’re just a complacent, mildly interesting friend at best and that is no place to be when aiming for a budding relationship.

Forget the boys, I'm looking for a man

Since I’m doing this blog solo, I have a little bit more leeway in topic choice. Now, we can talk about everything Josh hates. So, what should we talk about today? Makeup? Clothes? Shoes?
No, I’ve got it — let’s talk about men.

Lately, an issue I keep running into is determining the difference between boys and men.

When you’re in college, you meet a lot of people. When you meet a lot of people, chances are you’ll be going on quite a few dates.
One of the most important things to gauge when you’re on a date is whether you’re dealing with a boy or a man, and which one you’re more keen on being with in the long run.

Of course there are several internal factors that make up a good man, such as confidence, selflessness, courage and courtesy, but I’m talking about the social factors that will determine whether or not you’re embarrassed to take your guy out in public.

Some girls like the super boyishly playful type. These guys prefer watching “Finding Nemo” over “Schindler’s List”, enjoy the messiest coney dogs at What Up Dawg? and would much rather be playing broomball at Munn Ice Arena than studying for an exam the next day.

On the other hand, there are the more serious types that often remind us of our fathers. These men enjoy talking about the latest news in USA Today and often are found in the audience at classical concerts by the College of Music.

Now as a woman, it’s important to think about what you want. What fits your interests best? If you have someone playful, it’s important to make sure he can tone it down around your parents. If you want someone serious, it’s important to be able to get him to liven up on the weekends.

For me, I enjoy the perfect mix. Any guy that can keep up with my news lingo, but won’t make fun of me for ordering chicken fingers wherever we go out to eat is a keeper in my book.
Either way, it’s an important decision you’ve got to make yourself.
What are you looking for?

Texting troubles

Our generation has undoubtedly picked up a lingo of our own — texting.

A quick push of a button or swipe of a finger can mean the beginning of a relationship, or the end.

But is texting a way to show how much you care or simply an efficient means of communication?

Kellie
Texting lingo is important to grasp at a very young age.

It’s crucial to not only comprehend what you’re reading, but to be able to write something of merit back.

Heres’s some quick rules: don’t overtext someone, don’t undertext someone (I’m guilty of that) and witty one-liners are never unappreciated.

When it comes to texting, in terms of relationships, the easiest signs that someone is interested you is the infamous over-smiley usage. For example, “Hey. :) What are you up to? :)” Whether you are a girl or a guy, this is probably the most obvious sign someone has a thing for you.

But then, there are less obvious signals. If you forget to text him back, and he texts you again, that’s a good sign, such as if he sends “good night” texts before bed or texts you “good morning.”

The important part about texting is being sure not to abuse the convenience factor.

Yes, it’s easier to text a girl and say, “Hey, we should hang out sometime.”

Personally, we don’t want to be asked out via text, and the little courage you boys can muster up to give us a call and properly ask us out goes such a long way.

Josh
I — like most sensible guys — am not very interested in texting.

Sure, it’s more efficient than having a 15-minute conversation about why someone’s running late or to remind a friend to bring something to a party, but too often something of emotional significance is trying to be taken from an incomplete sentence.

Texts are a means to an end, not a relationship barometer.

You shouldn’t be questioning your boyfriend’s loyalty because he neglected to include a smiley face at the end of his text.

Let’s be honest, a smiley face is just a colon and a closed parentheses.

It’s not romance, it’s incorrect grammar.

I hate to be a stick in the mud, but there needs to be a reality check.

There shouldn’t be text conversations. If you want to communicate more than one thought, just push a few different buttons and use the phone for it’s original purpose — to talk.

If you want romance, look in the person’s eyes, not the screen of your phone.

And if you want to show someone you care, make more of an effort than typing “hi” into your phone.

It’s really not that hard. It’s what people used to call communication.

After the first date

First dates are a tricky endeavor.

From the hours of preparation and worrying beforehand, to the anxious first moments and the night’s final nerve-racking minutes, the first date is a blind foray into the unknown of pure romance or excruciating awkwardness.

So, what is the standard procedure for the days following the critical first date?

Josh
It doesn’t take long to tell whether a first date is a hit or a miss.

Usually before the main course hits the table, you can sense if this is the type of person you’d like to see again, or will look to avoid at nearly all costs.

If the first date goes poorly, a lot of times both people can tell, but when there’s an interest that isn’t reciprocated, I try to be as honest as possible.

Once I get a text that reads “Had a great time last night,” I would respond with “I had a great time too, but I don’t think this is a real fit.”

It’s certainly not what someone wants to hear, but it’s up front, honest and kind, and is the type of response I hope someone would give me.

But figuring out the first steps to take after a positive first date can be much more difficult, because when you don’t like someone, the possibilities of a potential relationship are known to be nonexistent.

But a positive first date produces the potential for a variety of unknown outcomes, which can be daunting.

In most cases, it’s important to try to read the other person’s reactions and get a sense if the feeling is mutual.

If they’re laughing at your jokes, playfully touching you on the arm or shoulder and seem generally at ease throughout the evening, it’s likely a safe bet that there’s a connection.

In that case, you should feel comfortable taking the first step to secure a second date.

If it’s more difficult to get a read of the situation, it’s important to play it slow, maybe with a simple and fairly innocuous text, to help gather more information.

The important thing is to proceed with caution. It’s a jungle out there and the caterpillar you think will become a butterfly, might just be a worm.

Kellie
Seriously, Josh?

You would really flat out tell a girl, “I don’t think this is a real fit?”

In my opinion, that isn’t necessary at all.

After a first date that you didn’t quite enjoy, there is no need to have that super serious, “I don’t think I like you” statement at all.

First of all, you’re assuming they had a great time and are totally into you. Chances are, she probably didn’t have a great time either if you had that unamused “This isn’t fun at all” look on your face during the date.

Assuming your date was super into you when she wasn’t could result in a girl picking up her phone and laughing at your “I don’t think is a real fit,” passing it around to all her friends, who all laugh as well.

Guys have the ability to be understanding after rejection, because that’s what makes them gentlemen. Girls, however, are much less willing to be nice.

If I went out and considered my date a dud, I wouldn’t do anything about it. It’s just not necessary.

Once I get a text that reads “Had a great time last night,” I would respond with “Yeah, me too! See you around campus!”

Simple, yet effective. If you’re really worried your ex-date won’t get the hint, go ahead and drop the “pal” card.

But if you do turn out to be swooned by your dater, there is no error in assuming all guys enjoy a chase. So girls, if he calls asking for another date, try not picking up the first time, or not replying to his text immediately. Go ahead and take your time responding. Let him sweat a bit, and chatter about it with his pack of bros — because you know they’re secretly as giggly as us when we’re not around — before you give him the green light.