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WEB ONLY: 'Pulse' predictable, uncreative remake

August 16, 2006

I turned my cell phone on while walking out of the movie theater, and I checked my e-mail as soon as I could after watching "Pulse" — alone.

Was it a clever idea to have ghosts take over technology (computers, phones)? Yes, but it was done in such cliché, dreary manner that it just didn't work.

Plus, there is nothing creative about the film. It's just a remake of a Japanese scary flick — "Kairo."

"The Ring" was good. "The Grudge" was not as good, but still watchable. "Pulse" was hard to watch because it was so awful.

Just like Hollywood should stop making comic book films, they should get off the scary Japanese remake kick. Why is it so hard for big studios to fund good scripts, rather than rip-off, previously-done plotlines?

Everybody knows that the good guys win in comic book films and technology is out to get you in a scary Japanese remakes. Let's move on.

The only thing that was scary in this film was the terribly crafted dialogue and predictable plot. Numerous times during the course of the film I found myself muttering under my breath the predictable line to come next, and every time, no matter how much I hoped it wouldn't come true, the characters said exactly what was expected.

Not to mention, for the whole second half of the film I was praying that all of the human characters would die — hopefully, brutally — and the ghosts would take over the world. At least that would have been more interesting than these beautiful mid-20s actors being continually confused by everything and still trying to use their cell phones and the Internet to figure stuff out.

All they needed to do was chill out and go camping for awhile, and everything would have been cool. And since all the human characters were so stupid, it would have been nice to see a couple of them tortured by the ghosts. But no, all the ghosts did was come up to their faces and suck a transparent version out while the stupid hunky folks slowly die — big deal, whatever.

If I wasn't reviewing this film for the paper, there is no way I would have stayed until the end. There is no revelation or anything close to clever during the whole 90 minutes of botched entertainment.

It pains my heart to revisit the plot, but alas, it is my job. And the film never explained why these ghosts were taking over technology. Personally, if I was dead and didn't have to deal with a cell phone with bad reception and an Internet that only works when it feels like it, I wouldn't mind.

Don't waste any money or time on this stupid film. Call up the garbage man because he needs to take this movie away from all theaters.

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