Thursday, March 28, 2024

Anxiety felt by children easily misunderstood

June 7, 2001

Nothing is worse than losing a parent, especially one who is the family’s foundation.

Such was the case with the McGuckins of Idaho, who clearly fell apart after the death of Michael McGuckin, husband of JoAnn McGuckin and the father of seven children, ranging from 8 to 19 years old.

The McGuckins were an independent family that believed in sticking together.

Living in abject poverty for more than a decade, the family could outlast any member on the “Survivor” series with the skills it acquired.

The family owned a pack of 27 wild dogs that reportedly killed big game, and the children had been living off lake water and lily pads since their mother stopped picking up food from the local shelter.

A poverty-stricken lifestyle was not the biggest threat the McGuckin children had to face. Their greatest trial came immediately following the death of their father, when their mother was arrested and charged with felony child neglect.

When caseworkers came to take the six children still living at home into custody, the children retreated to their home, where they stayed for five days. The only reason they agreed to come out was because they were told they would not be separated.

Having been part of a large family separated by the death of a parent, I really empathize with the McGuckin children. You live your whole life getting to know your family, and it is a great despair to have threads woven together by many experiences and emotions torn apart.

When my mother passed away, I was 16 years old and the eldest child at home. I have four younger siblings; two sisters and two brothers. The five of us were left parentless, homeless, very vulnerable and scared.

We spent our last week together sleeping on the floor of my sister Benita’s two-bedroom apartment. None of us were ready for life without our mother.

Benita, 26, struggled with the idea of raising all five of us and her three sons. So she sat through countless conversations with other family members, who were considering taking at least one of us.

When all was said and done, I moved to Saginaw to live with my uncle, my sister Nell moved in with my grandparents, my brother Andre with his grandparents and the two youngest - my 7-year-old brother and 8-year-old sister - were left for Benita to raise.

I have never been through a more humbling experience. After living 16 years with my mother and siblings, our world was turned upside down and torn apart.

I spent my last year of high school calling my sister - whom I shared a bedroom with for more than 10 years - on the phone to discuss daily events. I had to write my younger siblings letters because we lived in different cities.

After being raised with the same values and views for all of our lives, we were separated and subjected to the values of others.

The best thing for the McGuckin children is to stay together. They can help raise each other and never have to deal with the turmoil of being separated.

The oldest sister, Erina, should take responsibility for her siblings and make an arrangement in which they can take care of themselves. She would have the help of her 16-year-old sister and 15-year-old brother to share responsibilities with. I may not be a child psychologist, but I was a child in their situation. My advice comes from experience, not speculation.

Yet - should Erina decide to step aside and allow someone else to care for her siblings - let that family be well-advised.The new parents should expect outbursts, mistrust and discontentment from the children. They should also try to develop a rapport with the older siblings, because they are the spokespeople for the group.

Ultimately the McGuckin children need an insurmountable amount of love, understanding and especially, patience.

Audrey L. Barney, a State News intern, can be reached at barneyau@msu.edu.

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