“A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.” What woman hasn’t smiled after hearing that quote?

Imagine my surprise when I discovered that the woman who proclaimed it, feminist Gloria Steinem, married at the age of 66.

Marriage confuses me. I have defiantly declared that I don’t ever want to get married, and then in the next breath, chatted with my friends about china patterns and bridesmaid dress colors.

My parents have four divorces between them, which (sorry, Mom and Dad) has probably contributed to my jaded view of the matrimonial bliss. All my life I have been disenchanted with the concept of marriage, and my distaste for the institution has only been confirmed as I have gotten older.

I am not against the idea of spending my life with one person. In fact, I even have someone in mind. But I don’t think we should need a meaningless piece of paper to verify our commitment to each other.

With my friends ecstatically talking about their upcoming weddings and my favorite feminist walking down the aisle, my views have faced constant pressure. I admit to being sucked into special wedding issues of women’s magazines, and it’s fun to debate with my friends about buffet-style versus sit-down meals and garden versus elegant church weddings.

But unlike most women, I have the sense to recognize that my interest in dresses and reception menus is not because I really want to get married. It is because I want an excuse to buy a really expensive, beautiful dress, the chance to tell my best friends exactly what to wear for one day and get useless kitchen appliances I would never use, like a homemade ice-cream maker and an electric carving knife.

So many engaged girls my age seem as though they are not doing so because they really want to be married. What they really want is the chance to feel like a grown-up.

I don’t blame them for feeling pressure. In every women’s magazine you can find an article entitled, “How to get your man to propose,” or “What to do if he won’t commit.” Women are stereotyped as secretively pining away, devising a plan to trap a man into buying them that shiny rock they have waited their whole lives for. Does anyone ever wonder why men’s magazines don’t have articles like this?

We are in the 21st Century, and women’s lives are full and complex. We can have children without men, we can fully support ourselves and most of us aren’t waiting until marriage to have sex. So why do so many women still see marriage as their ultimate and most important goal?

The ironic thing about the distinction between women’s eagerness to get married and men’s fear of it is the fact that, like it or not, the typical marriage is still a pretty bunk deal for a woman.

The majority of women still do the housework - the difference is that they now do it after toiling away at their place of employment. Most men do not share equal responsibility when it comes to taking care of their children, and it is still the woman who puts her career on hold when the couple decides to have children. It is still the woman who gives up her last name.

I am sure women are reading this and saying, “My marriage will be different,” and I truly hope it will be. But if you are really determined to make your marriage different, why participate in the institution at all?

I have admired many marriages between socially conscious, loving couples - couples who both believe strongly in equality and fairness. These couples have redefined marriage; they have extracted the good parts of marriage and abandoned the bad. After all, I doubt Steinem will spend her days cleaning house and rubbing her husband’s feet after his hard day at work.

These couples, while few and far between, have made me realize that even though I don’t have to get married to be happy, I might be able to make it work for me. I have still not decided whether or not I will get married, and I don’t think I will have to make the decision anytime soon.

After all, feminism is about a women’s freedom to choose her own path, whether that means staying single for her entire life or getting married. And if Gloria Steinem can make marriage work for her, I can’t rule out the possibility that it could work for me, too.

Jessi Phillips, State News opinion writer, can be reached at phill241@msu.edu.