Saturday, October 16, 2021

Prognosticators, Spartans will look for Homecoming magic against Badgers

October 12, 2000

The guru boys took a beating last week, both going 1-3. Like the Spartans, they’ll be looking to rebound this week.

Records to date: Arthole: (17-9) Special K: Too sorry to mention.

Wisconsin (3-3) at MSU (3-2)

Here’s a matchup of two teams that can really feel each other’s pain. Wisconsin has lost three straight, while MSU is on a two-game skid of its own. Unless for some ungodly reason both teams play the worst game possible, someone is going to end their losing streak.

Special K: In the biggest upset all year, both teams come out playing well. The Spartans have trouble stopping some guy wearing jersey No. 29 with the name plate, “Dayne Who?” on his back. The unknown player rushes over 200 yards and says his name is Bennett - but MSU doesn’t know that until the game has been decided.

Wisconsin 24, MSU 20

Arthole: Tired of losing, linebacker Josh Thornhill goes into a berserk rage and kills Bucky the Badger, finishing the job an MSU cheerleader couldn’t carry out a year ago in Madison, Wis. The lack of support from the team mascot and the overwhelming Homecoming crowd put Wisconsin under. If Iowa can win at its homecoming, surely MSU can too.

MSU 17, Wisconsin 14

No. 21 Purdue (4-2) at No. 17 Northwestern (5-1)

Northwestern has another test this week to prove it’s actually good. With a favorable schedule ahead, the Wildcats could seriously be in contention for the Big Ten crown with a win against Purdue. The Boilers are coming off with an impressive come-from-behind win versus Michigan.

Special K: In a battle of who can score more, Northwestern catches yet another squad looking past its “all books, no crooks” program. The Wildcats jump ahead of Purdue early, Drew Brees throws a record 107 passes and his arm pops out of the socket. The Wildcats move one step closer to Pasadena. Yikes!

Northwestern 35, Purdue 24

Arthole: After getting booed by Boiler fans for missing a field goal with less than two minutes left against Michigan last week, Purdue punter and kicker Travis Dorsch makes obscene gestures to his own fans after making the game-winning field goal. To top last week’s performance, Dorsch moons the Northwestern crowd after every punt and poops on the 50-yard line. The feces provide enough distraction for Drew Brees to connect to fast guy Vinny Sutherland for the score.

Purdue 31, Northwestern 24

No. 8 Oklahoma (5-0) at No. 2 Kansas State (6-0)

A win for upstart Oklahoma will return the school to the prominence it once had in the 1980s, while a Kansas State win will silence critics who say the Wildcats don’t play quality opponents, which means everyone.

Special K: “How ’bout them Sooners! Them boys is playing ball like dem oldin days of Bud Wilkinson.” Such is the talk in Norman, Okla. this week, but the old and new timers are in for a reality check this week. Led by Wildcat quarterback Jonathan Beasley, Kansas State remains in the national title hunt for one more week.

Kansas State 31, Oklahoma 17

Arthole: This game turns ugly when Kansas State coach Bill Snyder goes insane and attacks Oklahoma head coach Bob Stoops, displaying a fury better reserved by the likes of Steve Spurrier and Nick Saban. You see, Snyder’s pissed about marks made by Stoops, who said, “I don’t know if anybody ever leaves Coach Snyder on good terms.” Stoops, however, made the remark just so he could give Snyder the beating of his life, on the field and off. Truly outrageous.

Oklahoma 25, Kansas State 22

No. 19 Auburn (5-1) at No. 10 Florida (5-1)

After easily disposing of the LSU Tigers last week, the Gators will try to knock off another group of Tigers - Auburn, who fell to No. 15 Mississippi State thanks to a subpar day by running back Rudi Johnson.

Special K: After a rough first half, Steve Spurrier issues a hold on all the players’ paychecks if they don’t pick up their play. Motivated by the all-mighty illegal dollar, Florida comes out strong and sends Auburn to the woodshed.

Florida 27, Auburn 10

Arthole: Forever furious and insanely impatient Steve Spurrier doesn’t give a damn that quarterback Rex Grossman’s 188.6 pass efficiency rating is leading the nation. Spurrier will be ready to pull Rex as soon as he looks at Spurrier wrong. Fearing for his life and the welfare of his family, Grossman plays a perfect game and wins.

Florida 38, Auburn 14

Arthur Alcid can be reached at alcidart@msu.edu. Jeff Karzen can be reached at karzenje@msu.edu.

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