Saturday, December 4, 2021

Prognosticators have a winning feeling for U

The prognosticators returned to form last week, although MSU didn’t. However, the boys have a winning feeling about Saturday’s game. Records to date: Arthole: 23-11, Special K: 19-15

Illinois (4-3) at MSU (3-4)

Here are two teams that got off to a 3-0 start before stumbling in the Big Ten. Thanks to a sprained shoulder, sophomore tailback T.J. Duckett’s status is uncertain for the game. That’s good news for the lowly Illinois defense, which yields 387.3 yards per game.

Special K: Displaying a “circle the wagons” mentality that would make Chris Berman proud, the Spartans come out strong versus the Illini. Freshman running back Tyrell Dortch puts his name on the proverbial map, as he runs for two touchdowns and gives Duckett a much needed rest. After the win, the MSU bandwagon fills up once again, doing so even faster than it emptied during the last four weeks.

MSU 27, Illinois 17

Arthole: Disgraced that his nephew doesn’t play linebacker, Hall-of-Fame hard guy Dick Butkus disowns Illinois center Luke Butkus the night before the MSU game, calling him “a big wussy.” Out to prove Uncle Dick wrong, Butkus plays defense rather than center, leaving no one to block for Illinois’ Kurt Kittner. The gaping hole in the line paves the way for the Spartan “D” to pummel Kittner in a way that makes Uncle Dick proud. He then adopts MSU’s defense as his children, leaving Luke to sulk.

MSU 24, Illinois 21

No. 1 Nebraska (7-0) at No. 3 Oklahoma (6-0)

With both teams ranked one and two in the Bowl Championship Series, this is a possible preview of the national championship. After embarrassing No. 22 Texas 63-14 and disposing of No. 10 Kansas State 41-31, Oklahoma will attempt to bring down another Big 12 giant, Nebraska.

Special K: This week Nebraska will remind Oklahoma who rules the Big 12. And although they’ve had a great year so far, sorry Sooners, but this is a Cornhusker kind of conference. Following the victory, Cornhusker players start chanting, “That’s what we’re paid for! That’s what we’re paid for!”, forgetting they’re not supposed to be paid.

Nebraska 24, Oklahoma 19

Arthole: The two quarterbacks will do what they do best in what’ll be one of the most entertaining matchups of the year. It appears as if neither defense shows up for the game as Nebraska’s Eric Crouch and Oklahoma’s Josh Heupel rack up impressive yards on both land and air. The Sooner defense shows up for only one play, but that proves to be the difference. I wish I could watch, but I’ll be at the MSU game. Sooners!

Oklahoma 37, Nebraska 35

No. 12 Ohio State (6-1) at No. 16 Purdue (6-2)

There’s a lot at stake in West Lafayette, Ind., as the outcome of this battle is crucial to determine who’ll go to the Rose Bowl for New Year’s Day - the first place Boilermakers (4-1 in the Big Ten) or the second place Buckeyes (3-1).

Special K: Led by Buckeye linebacker Joe “Don’t call me John or Mr.” Cooper, the Buckeyes defense knocks Drew Brees around the field all day. Although Buckeye quarterback Steve Bellisari has some problems of his own, Ohio State running back Jonathan Wells provides enough offense for a victory. Following the poor performance by the Boilers, head coach Joe Tiller declares he’s heading back to Wyoming, where there’s “real offense”.

Ohio State 16, Purdue 10

Arthole: Convinced he’s the greatest cornerback in all the land, Buckeye Nate Clements says before kick off that Purdue’s Drew Brees won’t complete a pass on him. He’s right. Too bad Clements can’t cover every throw as Brees completes a pass on every other member of the Ohio State secondary. Despite the loss, Clements still believes he’s the best who ever was, saying “Drew Brees can’t throw on me! Drew Brees can’t throw on me!” as he heads to the locker room.

Purdue 31, Ohio State 21

No. 13 Georgia (6-1) at No. 8 Florida (6-1)

Gator quarterback Rex Grossman has been on fire the last two games as he’s thrown eight touchdowns and no interceptions. Georgia’s quarterback situation isn’t as good, as Quincy Carter returns from a shoulder injury and backup Cory Phillips will be eager to get in after throwing 400 yards and 4 touchdowns last week.

Special K: In a fit of rage, Gators head coach Steve Spurrier begins the game with 11 quarterbacks on the field at the same time. He says, “This will tell me who’s the best man for the job.” In the end Rex Grossman, yeah his name really is Rex, wins over Spurrier with quality catches, blocks and throws. The Gators get back into the national championship race after this game.

Florida 31, Georgia 17

Arthole: Georgia’s good, but not as money as they were when the Bailey brothers - Champ and Boss - were on the squad. The Baileys had character, they had skills, and with names like those, they couldn’t lose (but they did; D’oh!) Quincy Carter has some talent himself, but not enough to beat the Gators.

Florida 42, Georgia 28

Jeff Karzen, State News football writer, can be reached at karzenje@msu.edu.

Arthur Alcid, State News football writer, can be reached at alcidart@msu.edu.

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