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Make your own decisions, but consider your parents' opinions

At least while they're still supporting you.

August 3, 2014
<p>Emily Jenks</p>

Emily Jenks

Photo by Danyelle Morrow | The State News

Kids are going to defy their parents — it’s an unavoidable, cosmic law next to Newtons’, Keplers’ and Murphy’s. Pardon the narcissism, but I’m going to call this one Emily’s Law.

Up until this year, I had been a very compliant daughter. But once you’ve experienced the freedoms of going to college, being on your own and moving into a new home, there’s no going back.

The nerdy introvert I once was, the girl who would choose to stay home and play a video game or read a book on weekends, transformed into someone who loves going out, making new friends and expressing herself just as much — if not more — than saving the galaxy or avidly researching fictional characters’ backstories.

My motto was once “go with the flow.” This week, though, I decided to experiment with something much more dangerous — “ask for forgiveness, not permission.”

I made a hair appointment to get blonde highlights, my first excursion into changing my hair color.

But when I got to the salon, I was overcome with this inexplicable desire to do something wild and unexpected.

I’d like to think this is a side effect of that freedom cocktail.

Without my parents’ consent or their knowledge, I dyed my hair a bright red. Think “Mean Girls”-era Lindsay Lohan or  Sophie Turner of “Game of Thrones."

I’m the youngest of a large family, so I’ve mercifully gotten slack with a lot of things. But none of my family has ever dyed their hair or drastically changed their appearance — apart from my brothers shaving their heads (“You look like you just escaped from prison!”) — and my sister getting her tongue pierced mid-high school.

For the first time I was going to be the one to try something new. I am now the ginger guinea pig; the red-headed revolutionary. Or something.

Well, here’s what I learned from my experiment: change makes Mama Jenks obstinately furious, which earns me a week-long silent treatment and the credit card immediately seized from my possession.

I mention only my mom’s reaction because my dad takes a Switzerland stance.  He would never opine on how I look beyond a, “That’s nice, honey.” I tried to ease my mother into the idea of my taking control of my appearance by piercing my nose last March.

She was pretty disgusted by it, but I think she’s realized it’s sticking around. To this day, though, she will randomly glare at me and tell me she’s going to rip it out in my sleep, which is fairly frightening. But I understand where she’s coming from.

Our parents still see us as the little girls and boys they stuffed into onesies, dropped off at preschool and shuttled to soccer practice. Even after witnessing five of her kids grow up and become adults, my mom hasn’t acclimated to this phenomenon by number six, and I honestly don’t think anyone could get used to it.

Raising kids has got to be the weirdest experience, and it’s got to be downright scary when they deviate from their parents’ hopes and expectations.

But growing up, and life in general, is a learning experience. We have to dabble in different things and experiment and mess up until we can stand on our own two feet and be happy with who we are. I absolutely love my new hair and I wouldn’t call it a mistake, but stretching the truth and shocking my mom was a less-than-stellar idea.

So, Mom, consider this a public apology. I’m sorry that I lied to and defied you, and I’m sorry that I won’t dye it back to “normal.”

But this is how I want to look and I hope you get used to it because until I get bored and dye it blue (kidding), it’s staying.  There’s only a small window of my life where I can change my appearance and have fun without enormous consequences.

I’m still your little girl — as little as 6’1” can get — and I always will be.

I have learned that, despite it being an almost coming-of-age necessity, going against your parents’ wishes isn’t as fun as it might seem. I promise from now on I won’t do anything drastic without at least talking to you first — but you don’t get the final say, because in the end it is my decision.

You — and other parents — need to realize that I control how I look and what I do, and change really isn’t the end of the world.

Emily Jenks is the Opinion Editor at The State news. Reach her at ejenks@statenews.com.

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