Going without a phone makes me feel utterly disconnected from the world around me.

I can’t text message my friends, play Tetris in class, or check my e-mail on the bus. Losing my cell phone really hurt me with the ladies, too. An LG Chocolate is the poor man’s Ferrari, and girls know a guy frequently flipping out an expensive piece of electronic equipment has the goods.

I shouldn’t have to tell you what it’s like trying to date without a cell phone – getting numbers is the least of the problems. Being unable to text cuts out the crucial first stages of a contemporary relationship where you’re endlessly text messaging four- and five-word notes to each other.

“SUP?”

“NMU?”

“Headin 2 Strbx. Just 8.”

You know, getting to know each other.

The iPod was even worse, since I couldn’t have my own soundtrack during every minute of my life.

I never before realized how much I need Guns N’ Roses to psych me up for my workout, or The Postal Service to give me that hip stride in my walk to class.

I listen to “NHL Results, News and Rumors” to stay informed. Occasionally “Real Sports” with Bryant Gumbel, even though my friends say it’s not real sports news.

But still, I can’t help but think that being unable to play the guitar, climb a ladder, and shake someone’s hand without them freaking out, is probably a bigger loss. My “Halo” ranking has plummeted, and I often fall flat on my face trying to do push-ups.

My girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks after I got out of the hospital. Not because of my handicap, but because I can’t drive her around without hooking myself to the steering wheel.

To be fair, it’s not as bad as it sounds.

I have a pair of metal hooks now that allow me to pinch items, and with much labor and often spilling, bring them to my mouth or pass them to uneasy co-workers and classmates.

And hopefully, the pace of technological improvements in artificial limbs will eventually catch up to personal electronic devices, so I can afford some that don’t make me look like a pirate with opposable clips.

That’s consumer-driven technology for ya!

How selfish would it be for me to demand that more money be allocated to giving me the ability to tie my shoes when there’s so many people out there who can’t have a good jog without 30 gigabytes of Peter Frampton?

It would be really great to play pool again, but I’ve gotten a lot better at poker. The only downside is that throwing chips is a pain.

Don’t even get me started on typing on a keyboard – I imagine it’s like working a cash register when you’re a woman with those obscenely long fingernails.

When you think about it, hands aren’t all that great anyway. Almost everybody has them, so they’re not very special. You can’t watch “Da Ali G Show” on your palm, or use your fingers to talk to your friends while driving.

Can you count on one hand the number of times those silly extensions on your wrists have knocked over a friend’s drink at the bar? I know I can’t.

All in all, life is tough no matter what. Midterms, breakups, genocide – they’re all weighty slices of our problems on this topsy-turvy planet, right? Since I can’t throw my hands in the air, I’ll just shrug, and say “Well, that’s life.”

I guess my advice to others is just to stay focused on the good things. Sure, I lost both my hands, but I have two other things that make my life a lot easier: a kick-ass cell phone and a state-of-the-art MP3 player.

And in this day and age, those are about as difficult to live without.

Drew Robert Winter is a State News columnist and a journalism and English senior. Reach him at winterdr@msu.edu.