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Saturday, August 1, 2015

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Rules of Engagement

The Ex-Factor

By Kellie Rowe          Posted: 07/23/12 7:21pm         

Trust (noun)

1 : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something : one in which confidence is placed

2 : dependence on something future or contingent : hope

According to Merriam-Webster, that’s the definition of trust and I think many people in today’s society need to take a long, hard look at it.

At 20 years old, I am sick about hearing about trust issues. I cannot tell you the amount of times I’ve heard someone tell me they’re hesitant about entering into a new relationship because they have problems with trusting people.

What a cop out.

My frustration with this excuse is that plain and simple: Everyone has trust issues, or at least a majority of people do.

Heck, if you’re smart, you’ll be aware and conscious about what the person you’re seeing is doing, thinking or feeling. It’s not a bad thing to keep an eye on those types of signs to make sure things aren’t heading south without you knowing it.

But I am just a little tired of listening to, “Well, my ex has left with me with trust issues so I’m just a little bit apprehensive.”

Back pedaling out of a potentially amazing relationship because your ex left you with a few wounds and you’re scared to get hurt again is just a plain old cop out.

We ALL have ex issues. I doubt you’ll find a person on the street who will tell you they haven’t had their heart stomped on at some point or another. Chances are, if you try to tell someone you can’t start something new with them because you have trust issues from your past, they have a list to throw right back.

But the past is the past. Don’t make someone in your future pay for your ex’s mistakes.

We all are still waiting for some emotional scars to heal. But at 20 years old, there are few people that have a tremendously terrible ex story that was gruesome enough to create an emotional barricade from future love.

There are reasons you and your ex didn’t work out and you should note those reasons, then understand that your new girl or guy is probably a completely different person from your ex.

There is a time and place to talk about what you’ve been through but that time should not be the beginning of a relationship. It can scare away someone who could make you a lot happier.

Your new love interest does not want to hear about all the things that made your ex terrible ­— it just shows them that your ex is still on your mind.

When I was a junior in high school, a boyfriend of mine kept talking about his ex’s little sister and how much he loved her and how much she loved him and blah blah blah. As someone with a little sister I hold as the number one importance in my life, I was both irritated he wasn’t interested in getting to know mine and the fact that his ex was still a relevant topic in our daily conversations.

So, being the high-schooler that I was, I created one of those Facebook pages you can “like.” It’s called “I really like hearing about your ex, please do go on.”

And Facebook users would write on the page telling stories about how they wish their current beau would shut up about their ex. The support made me feel better, but the moral of the story is that this advice I’m giving is not unfounded.

So to sum it up, keep your ex talk to a minimum, unless your new love interest seems generally concerned with your past. It’s good to know what you’re working with in a relationship and what type of emotional baggage someone is carrying, but sometimes bringing those issues that have been buried in your past to the surface can be painful for both parties.

Don’t hide anything, just don’t go out of your way to bring it up. It’s important to reflect on why you and your ex broke up, but that’s something that you can ponder on your own time. You shouldn’t let those scars stop you from being open to something new.

When it comes to your relationships, look at the present, look at the possible amazing future ahead and leave that ex where he or she belongs — in the past.

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