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Tuesday, July 28, 2015

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Rules of Engagement

After the first date

By Josh Mansour, Kellie Rowe          Posted: 03/12/12 11:13pm         

First dates are a tricky endeavor.

From the hours of preparation and worrying beforehand, to the anxious first moments and the night’s final nerve-racking minutes, the first date is a blind foray into the unknown of pure romance or excruciating awkwardness.

So, what is the standard procedure for the days following the critical first date?

It doesn’t take long to tell whether a first date is a hit or a miss.

Usually before the main course hits the table, you can sense if this is the type of person you’d like to see again, or will look to avoid at nearly all costs.

If the first date goes poorly, a lot of times both people can tell, but when there’s an interest that isn’t reciprocated, I try to be as honest as possible.

Once I get a text that reads “Had a great time last night,” I would respond with “I had a great time too, but I don’t think this is a real fit.”

It’s certainly not what someone wants to hear, but it’s up front, honest and kind, and is the type of response I hope someone would give me.

But figuring out the first steps to take after a positive first date can be much more difficult, because when you don’t like someone, the possibilities of a potential relationship are known to be nonexistent.

But a positive first date produces the potential for a variety of unknown outcomes, which can be daunting.

In most cases, it’s important to try to read the other person’s reactions and get a sense if the feeling is mutual.

If they’re laughing at your jokes, playfully touching you on the arm or shoulder and seem generally at ease throughout the evening, it’s likely a safe bet that there’s a connection.

In that case, you should feel comfortable taking the first step to secure a second date.

If it’s more difficult to get a read of the situation, it’s important to play it slow, maybe with a simple and fairly innocuous text, to help gather more information.

The important thing is to proceed with caution. It’s a jungle out there and the caterpillar you think will become a butterfly, might just be a worm.

Seriously, Josh?

You would really flat out tell a girl, “I don’t think this is a real fit?”

In my opinion, that isn’t necessary at all.

After a first date that you didn’t quite enjoy, there is no need to have that super serious, “I don’t think I like you” statement at all.

First of all, you’re assuming they had a great time and are totally into you. Chances are, she probably didn’t have a great time either if you had that unamused “This isn’t fun at all” look on your face during the date.

Assuming your date was super into you when she wasn’t could result in a girl picking up her phone and laughing at your “I don’t think is a real fit,” passing it around to all her friends, who all laugh as well.

Guys have the ability to be understanding after rejection, because that’s what makes them gentlemen. Girls, however, are much less willing to be nice.

If I went out and considered my date a dud, I wouldn’t do anything about it. It’s just not necessary.

Once I get a text that reads “Had a great time last night,” I would respond with “Yeah, me too! See you around campus!”

Simple, yet effective. If you’re really worried your ex-date won’t get the hint, go ahead and drop the “pal” card.

But if you do turn out to be swooned by your dater, there is no error in assuming all guys enjoy a chase. So girls, if he calls asking for another date, try not picking up the first time, or not replying to his text immediately. Go ahead and take your time responding. Let him sweat a bit, and chatter about it with his pack of bros — because you know they’re secretly as giggly as us when we’re not around — before you give him the green light.

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