Friday, March 29, 2024

Online dating won't work; Internet sites provide daters with false sense of status

A sick feeling hit my stomach all of a sudden.

While sitting at my desk in my dorm room surfing the Web and eating an evening sandwich, I couldn't help but feel rather repulsed.

The fact that I blew off studying for a test — MacGyver marathons get me every time — did not have an overall effect in deterring my appetite.

I had just received a pop-up from www.AdultFriendFinder.com, the popular Web site with its home page indicating that it is in fact "the world's largest sex & swinger personals site." After nearly regurgitating the sandwich, I was caught off guard by the (ahem) revealing shots in the member profiles.

Being a self-described rugged bachelor, I curiously decided to take a gander at what the site had to offer.

Filled with thousands upon thousands of "sexually liberated members" with such names as "2HoT4u" or "BuTtErCup420," these swingers were more than willing to "hook up" or allow access to their "sexy webcam videos." Long walks on the beach need not apply.

Boasting more than 20 million members throughout the United States and 441,533 "active" members in Michigan, AdultFriendFinder is random play to the 10th power.

Along with the wildly popular and less racy Yahoo! Personals, eHarmony and True.com, the general dating scene has overstepped its boundary in offering members the chance to find that special someone.

"We met online because the match results said we both love eating mint chocolate chip ice cream when lonely" just doesn't compare to meeting a dating prospect in person and maybe getting a first glance of true love. True love shouldn't constitute keyboards, match results and profile comments.

The daytime TV abomination that is Dr. Phil recently jumped on the bandwagon of Internet dating offering his advice on the established Match.com in the site's new MindFindBind section.

Oprah's former self-help guru demonstrates his "get real approach" in streaming video clips, assisting the site's more than 15 million users in overcoming obstacles to find a potential mate.

In one sample clip, Dr. Phil stresses, "If you want to be a winner in love, and you want to be a winner in relationships, then you do what it takes." This advice makes about as much sense as an Anna Nicole Smith lecture on global politics.

That sick feeling still loomed.

As confusion and frustration grew by the minute, I went from the computer desk to the couch and flipped on the TV hoping to get away from the ominous dating cloud.

Two channels later, I found a phone-sex dating commercial showing scantily clad coeds laying on black leather love seats playfully talking with overly bulky cordless phones. It seemed like they were staring right at me adding in a seductive tone that for an extra $5.95 per hour "we can even call you back."

Upon further flippage in easing my qualms about the online dating stigma, I came across the end of a segment on the syndicated show "Blind Date." The dating couple's apartment door was closing. The 30-something named Todd who lives with his mom and enjoys "not hot, but you know like really hot girls," has hit the jackpot.

It seemed that a "score" — one not involving six and a point after — had been executed to fit the show's programming formula.

The sight of host Roger Lodge's gleaming, artificially tanned forehead made my TV turn itself off.

It's a simple fact that the process of finding a steady date has changed dramatically. Sifting through undesirable dates is a simple mouse click away. The Internet route enables many shy and socially lukewarm individuals a chance to put themselves out onto the scene.

What it also gives is a false sense of contentment in believing that an online single has actually done something to better themselves socially in the online dating community.

For those who believe that an online dating profile will bust one out of a dating slump, my advice is as follows: Get up, get out and make sure to block lewd Internet pop-ups while eating.

Adam Lark is a State News staff writer. Reach him at larkadam@msu.edu.

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