Thursday, March 28, 2024

Students can learn from celeb mistakes

Celebrity gossip was rampant this year, with so many breakups, hookups, pregnancies and scandals you had to look out for whiplash — especially if you're Lindsay Lohan and you actually risk whiplash by crashing into paparazzi.

Since this is college, here's what we can learn from the top five celeb scandals that disprove the old saying, "any publicity is good publicity:"

1. Nick and Jessica break up

After months and months (and months and months and months) of rumors that these three-year "Newlyweds" were kaput, they finally announced that their marriage was just "The Hardest Thing." Rough break, but for the rest of us, maybe there is some truth to those checkout market tabloids. Alien-rat-baby-in-a-cave? Sounds a bit more feasible, doesn't it?

2. Disappearing starlets

Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie: Where are they now? I mean, really, has anyone seen them? I'm worried; they've lost so much weight they've joined the trend of starlets who disappear if they're standing sideways. Even the tabloids were concerned that these women had eating disorders, proving that eating and living healthy is truly in. Finally.

3. The TomKat connection

Tom Cruise loves Katie Holmes, Katie's having his baby, Tom goes crazy. These two were the world's most unlikely couple until they paired up in April. After much publicity of his crazy behavior, even desperate housewives across America ended age-old fantasies about him. Lesson: You can't change guys, no matter how hard you try. It doesn't matter how hot he is, if he's crazy, he's crazy — which isn't attractive.

4. Jude Law cheats on girlfriend Sienna Miller

Okay, so Jude Law sleeps with the nanny again, yada yada. After cheating on his wife, did Sienna Miller think he'd be any different? She took the blow rather publicly, becoming an instant tabloid darling for showing strength and courage by dumping him and crying a lot — until she went back to him.

Hollywood lesson: If you're as hot as Jude Law and you cheat on your girlfriend, she'll probably come back to you. A lesson for the rest of us: If you want people to still care, don't go back to your significant other after they've cheated.

5. Britney Spears' pregnancy

I'm not even putting Britney Spears' husband/baby's daddy's name in this because I don't think he qualifies as a celebrity. And now, Britney barely does. Aside from some spreads in celebrity gossip magazines that chronicled her pregnancy, this one-time teen-queen pop idol has fallen out of the limelight instead of garnering more press, which most people thought was the reason behind the marriage. Proving once again that Hollywood just doesn't like fat people. The lesson: If your friends say "ew," they mean "ew."

Other celeb scandals of note:

Paris and Paris say au revoir

I think it's safe to say Paris Hilton is officially old news. Once she "settled down," by getting engaged to billionaire boyfriend Paris Latisis, the paparazzi lost its chance to be on 24/7 "Paris Hilton's dress/piece of cloth around her hoo-ha might fall down!" watch. The minute she got engaged, she became the antithesis to what her entire reputation was built on: her life as a crazy, spoiled party girl. The lesson: Be yourself.

Michael Jackson beats it

Where in the world is Michael Jackson? The latest Google News search puts him in Bahrain and no one seems to have confirmed why he really skipped town. The lesson: Once CNN stops playing a courtroom-drama story 5,000 times a day in the summer because they remember they're a news station, people stop caring. Because they probably didn't care in the first place.

Lauren Phillips is the State News MS&U enterprise reporter. Reach her at phill383@msu.edu.

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